


Ex

by 16Sydd16



Category: Little Mix (Band)
Genre: A bit of Alerrie, Bi, Bisexuality, Ex by Kiana Ledè, F/F, F/M, Pesy is the otp of course, Songfic, also jaded, also there's lots of just little mix being best friends, and Mesy (which isn't real but🤷🏼♀️), and leighandre if you squint, esp jadesy, pesy - Freeform, they are not the focus(es) but they do make an appearance lol, we love friends - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-07-10 14:14:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19907032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/16Sydd16/pseuds/16Sydd16
Summary: A Pesy story loosely inspired by the Kiana Ledé song "Ex." It was meant to be a one shot, but it got a bit out of hand🤷🏼 Sorry not Sorry. There's lots of fluff and a fair amount of drama. It'll likely be 3-4 parts. Hope you enjoy!





	1. it's different and we're not the same

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from "Ex" by Kiana Ledè. Enjoy!

_ Thursday _

I’m on my couch, wrapped snugly in a blanket and sipping on the dregs of a vodka soda, quietly watching the third episode of Killing Eve, when I’m startled by a manic rapping on my door. I spill a bit of my drink on myself, but quickly bat it away, hurriedly setting the glass on the coffee table as I rush to the door. A quick glance at the oven clock as I pass tells me that it’s half past midnight, too late for anyone to be knocking with this amount of fervor for anything short of a major emergency. I’m worrying myself sick on the short walk to the door.  _ Car Accident, Burglary, Alien Invasion- _

When I finally throw the door open, it’s none of the above. She waltzes right past me, mumbling on about something, not making loads of sense. Not knowing what else to do I follow her back into my house, pulling the blanket around me tighter.

“-m sorry, Jes, where you asleep?” She asks, finally looking at me. 

“Nah, I was just watching a bit of telly,” I say carefully, gesturing to the glass on my coffee table and the paused TV. 

“Oh,” she says. 

We just stand there a few moments, staring at one another. 

“Pez, why are you here?” I finally ask. 

She stops looking at me and starts mumbling once again. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come, I’ll just go-”

“Perrie,” I say, grabbing her shoulders and giving them a shake. “What’s going on?”

Her eyes meet mine again, her mouth moving but no sound coming out. 

“Do you want to watch TV with me?” I ask. I don’t know how to deal with whatever’s happening right now, so I figure a bit of procrastination can’t hurt. 

“Uh, yeah,” she answers, clearly a little confused, but I don’t think she knows what to do either. 

She makes no move toward the couch. 

“Do you want a drink?” I ask, gesturing to the liquor on the counter. “I’d just planned on having a little nightcap and going to bed, but I’m not really tired, so I’m gonna have another. Would you like one?”

“What are you drinking?” She asks, and for the first time since she arrived, she sounds like herself. 

“Vodka soda. Or I was thinking maybe Gin and tonic this round. Gin’s got less calories,” I say with a smile. 

“Has it really?” She asks, looking amused. 

“I haven’t got a clue,” I laugh. “Someone told me once, and I’ve never bothered to check.”

“I could google it now,” she says, already pulling out her phone.

“Now where’s the fun in that?” I ask.

“Wouldn’t you rather just know?” She asks incredulously. 

“Nah, I like a bit of mystery,” I say, shooting her a wink. 

“You absolute dork,” she says, laughing. 

I just smile, happy to have made her happy, even if it’s only temporarily. 

“Now, are you drinking tonight?” I ask, grabbing out some ice for my gin and tonic. 

“I don’t suppose you’ve got any wine?” She asks.

“Edwards, you know this is a hard liquor only household,” I say with mock seriousness. “But, I think I’ve got my Christmas gift from Leigh Anne under my bed.”

“Jes, that wine’s $700 a bottle! Why is it under the bed?” She asks.

“Listen, I’m not Leigh, I don’t have a wine closet with an elevator,” I deadpan. “Also, I don’t like wine all that much.”

“Fair enough,” she says. “I’ll just have whatever you’re having, then. I don’t much care for warm wine.”

“Fair enough,” I parrot, before handing the first gin and tonic to Pez and quickly whipping up a second for myself. 

Drinks in hand, we make our way to the couch, quickly settling onto opposite sides. I’m a little hurt, if I’m honest, but I shake it off quickly. Pez is by far the most physically affectionate of us, always one for a good cuddle, and I hadn’t realized how much I’d come to depend on that affection until she was no longer offering it. Additionally, I’m a little more worried than I was initially. This isn’t like her at all. 

“What are we watching?” She asks a bit too brightly. 

“Killing Eve,” I reply softly. 

“Is it scary?” She asks, her eyes impossibly wide. 

“Not really,” I say, smiling at how young she looks. We’ve all matured quite a bit over these last 8 years, but right now Perrie looks like the scared 17 year old that wouldn’t let go of my hand on the bootcamp stage. “Villanelle is a bit crazy, and a little murderous, but she’s interesting, at least.”

“Oh, well, as long as she’s interesting,” Perrie says with a huff. 

I laugh. “Really Pez, it’s not scary. But if we start watching and you think it is, I’ll shut it off, alright?”

“Alright,” she agrees.

“Shall I start it from the beginning?” I ask. 

“How far in are you?” She asks. 

“Just started the 3rd episode.” 

“Eh, may as well let me catch up with you then. Do you mind starting it over?” 

“Not at all,” I say, clicking on the first episode. 

Since I’ve already seen it, I give up on watching the TV and just watch Perrie. She’s oblivious, as she always is, until she turns to ask me a question and catches me staring. 

“Jes, is Villa- Why are you looking at me like that?” she asks. 

“Just wanted to see your reaction,” I say smoothly, trying to play it cool. “I already watched this episode anyway, remember?’”

“Alright,” she says, seeming a bit flustered. She turns her head back toward the TV and I do the same, not wanting to make her nervous. 

The next time I look at her, though, I find her stare already fixed on me. 

“Are y’alright there, babe?” I ask.

“Yeah, fine,” she says, staring at me. She’s looking at me so intensely that I can’t look at her for long, so I just go back to watching the TV, and take a sip of my drink. 

Before I can set it back on the coffee table, her hand wraps around my own and forces the drink onto the glass table with a loud  _ clack. _

“Pez, what-” Is all I have time to ask before her lips are pressed to mine, moving hurriedly, her tongue already pressing along my lower lip. My body responds automatically, one hand wrapping its way around her waist and another tangling itself in her hair. We carry on like this for a few moments before I really  _ realize _ what we’re doing. 

I pull back quickly, but make no move to push her off. 

She pulls back too, eyes refusing to meet mine. 

“Perrie…” I start, but I have no idea what to say. 

“I’m sorry, Jes,” she says at a whisper.

“Nothing to be sorry about babe, it’s fine,” I say softly. “I just- don’t know what’s going on?”

“Well that makes two of us,” she says with a laugh. “I just, I was out tonight, on the pull, and I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I compared everyone I chatted up to you, and none of them came close.”

“What about Alex?” I ask.

“He’s still in Liverpool, and I’m tired of being alone.”

“So, you two are done?” I ask, trying to figure out why I’m so excited by the prospect. 

“Nah, I’m just mad,” she says with a shake of the head and a roll of the eye, and I can’t help but feel a little disappointed. 

“Maybe you better stay here, then? So you don’t mess things up, or do something you regret,” I say. I really should be telling her to go home and get some sleep, so she doesn’t do anything she regrets  _ here _ , but I’m too selfish to do so.

“Yeah, okay,” she agrees quickly. 

“Okay,” I say, turning my head back towards the TV like nothing’s happened, which is a bit awkward considering how Perrie and I are still tangled around one another. 

“It’s just...,” she mumbles, pulling away. I miss her warmth immediately, but I don’t have to miss it for long as she snuggles into me more fully soon after, tangling a leg between mine and snuggling her head into the crook between my neck and my shoulder. After a couple minutes of wriggling around a bit more to find the most comfortable position, she looks up at me. 

“Is this okay? Are you comfy?” she asks, lips nearly touching my chin.

“MhHmm.” I mumble, not trusting my voice enough to speak, and finish with a quick nod of the head.

“Good,” she says with a little grin, before turning to look back at the TV. 

We stay wrapped up like that another hour or so, until both our drinks and the second episode are finished. 

“Sleep with me?” She whines as soon as we get up. “I don’t wanna be alone.”

I know what I should say, but I say what I want to instead. 

“Sure.” 

We head to my bathroom to get ready for bed, both of us washing our faces and brushing our teeth rather quickly. Perrie’s pleased to see that her toothbrush from the last time she stayed over is still in the toothbrush holder, along with five or so other brushes. My brush never seems to make it into the caddy, mostly cause it seems pointless to put it in there when I know I’m gonna use it again in just a few hours. Perrie asks why I’ve got so many toothbrushes, as the caddy was empty the last time she stayed here. I inform her that, other than hers, one is James, and there’s one each for my mum and sister. I’m not sure who left the green one, but I’ve never really gotten around to throwing it out, and I tell Perrie as much when she asks. She has a little laugh before she stows her toothbrush back in its place and makes her way toward my bed, me trailing right behind her. I search around in my drawers to find a t-shirt for Perrie to sleep in, averting my eyes when she strips off her clothes right in front of me. Once she’s climbed into bed, I quickly step out of my fuzzy pajama pants and climb under the covers. 

We must spend about 5 minutes on opposite sides of the bed facing away from one another, the touch of awkwardness from earlier reappearing, before she rolls over to me and wraps her arms around my waist. I stay still, though I’m freaking out on the inside. 

“Is this okay?” She whispers in my ear, slowly scratching her nails across the small sliver of skin just below my belly button that’s exposed where my t-shirt has ridden up. 

“Y-yeah,” I stutter, my heart racing. “S’fine.”

I feel her laugh against the back of my neck, the vibration of her lips on my skin sending chills of the best sort down my spine. 

She continues to tickle my exposed skin, her fingers drifting a little higher and higher each time, until she’s actively pushing my oversized shirt out of her way. I’m parazlyed, worried that if I move I’ll bring Perrie to her senses and she’ll stop her wonderful teasing. 

Her hands continue their journey upward until they reach my bralette, when one of her nails snags on the lacey material.

“Is it the blue one?” She asks, fingers grazing over the material just under my left arm. 

“Sorry?” I ask, which is completely unlike me. 

“Are you wearing the blue bra? The one with the lace?” She asks with a little laugh. 

“It’s a bralette, actually,” I say, though I want to kick myself immediately after. Like it matters if it’s a bra or a bralette Jesy, jeeze,  _ get it together. _

“Can I see it?” She asks, surprising me yet again. 

“Huh?” I ask, unable to process what’s going on. 

I feel her hands slide lower for a moment, and I’m worried I’ve scared her off. That worry is quickly replaced by a new one the moment she rolls on top of me, her legs straddling mine. 

“Sit up,” she says lowly. My body complies immediately before my brain can even think it over. 

“I’m gonna take your shirt off, okay?” She asks, and I nod dumbly. 

At first slowly, and then all too quickly, Perrie peels my shirt off, throwing it off the end of the bed. 

“That’s better,” she says with a sly smile, and I can’t help but wonder how we got here. 

She traces her fingers greedily over all of my newly exposed skin, scratching her nails up and down my sides just hard enough to leave faint white marks before grasping me more fully. I swear I nearly faint when I feel her warm palms on my ribcage, her thumbs rubbing over the tattoos on each side of my torso. Eventually she abandons the ink-stained skin there, moving her right hand up to trace it over the tattoo on my collar bone. She does it over, and over, and over again before she slides the light blue strap of my bralette aside to plant a kiss there. 

“This blue one is my favorite,” she whispers. “I can see the straps poking out when we practice our routines sometimes, and I’ve always wanted to see it all the way,” she says with a laugh.

I want to respond, but it’s like I’ve gone mute. No sound will come out of my mouth. Perrie doesn’t seem to mind, as she carries on the conversation all by herself. 

“I have to admit, I perv on you a bit sometimes when you use your t-shirt to wipe your forehead during rehearsal. At first, I thought I was just jealous, ‘cause you’ve got a killer body, babe. But then I realized I wasn’t so much jealous of your abs- I just wanted to lick them. I told Jade once and she goes “that’s not jealousy, babe,” and that’s when I realized that I was proper screwed.” She pauses for a moment, shifting her focus from my collar bone to my face, her eyes boring into mine. “You remember that day I left early ‘cos I had to take Ellie to hospital?”

I nod. Apparently, I can’t do anything but nod my damn head tonight. 

“Ellie was fine. I mean, she had some bruises from trying to crawl through the cat door, and she was still a bit pissed from the night before but she was fine. I just needed an excuse to go and figure out what exactly all of this meant, and I had to do it without you sitting right next to me, holding my hand,” she says, thumb skimming across my collar bone once again, looking almost too directly into my eyes. “You’re just so, so,  _ pretty, _ that I can’t hardly cope when you’re around. You’re beautiful, Jes.”

“Says you,”I say, finally finding my voice. “You are possibly the most beautiful thing I have ever laid my eyes on.”

“Oh, stuff it, we’re not talking about me,” she says with a laugh, wrapping her arms loosely around my neck. 

“We’re not?” I ask, scrunching my nose. Perrie places a quick kiss across the tip, and I can’t help but giggle when she does. 

“Damn, you’re gonna be the death of me,” She says, before she leans in to capture my lips as she had earlier in the night. This time, she starts slower, sucking my bottom lip in between her own and nibbling at it gently. I can’t help but smile before returning the favor, nibbling a bit at her top lip before flicking my tongue over it a little more intently. Perrie responds in kind, and the kiss remains slow, but deep, sensual. Bitten lips and tongues in mouths and smaller, sharper kisses being pecked along my neck until she finds the spot that makes me melt and sucks at it relentlessly, biting at it before soothing the bites with her tongue. I can’t help but moan, proper keen when she bites down harder. 

“Is that okay?” She asks for at least the fifth time tonight, but this time I actually have a response aside from a dumb nod of the head. 

“Nothing’s ever been more okay,” I assure her, my voice low and throaty like it gets when I’m like this. 

“Good,” She says, leaning her forehead against my own. Her lips meet mine quickly, just once, before she pushes me back a bit. I don’t even have time to wonder what she’s doing before her lips find the sweet spot under my ear once again and she busies herself with sucking at the delicate skin there. She focuses her attentions lower for a moment, ducking her head back and licking a quick stripe right up the middle of my chest before teasing the skin near my collar bone, right over the top of my little tattoo. I can’t help but giggle at the strange yet welcome sensation, but I’m so out of breath from her touch that it sounds more like I’m choking. I feel her moan against my shoulder, clearly pleased at the effect she’s having on me, before she busies herself kissing up my neck, onto my jaw, even pecking the little tattoo near my ear. She licks it, then sucks my earlobe into her mouth and gives it a little bite. My hands grip her tighter without my permission, needing something to hold on to with the way she’s driving me mad. 

“ _ Perrie _ ,” I moan, dragging out her name as if it’s got seven E’s at the end instead of just one. I’m wondering how much longer I can handle her teasing when she pulls back suddenly. Her hands find their way around my waist, and I met her gaze again, worried I’ll find regret, but all I see is a cheeky wink before she hooks a leg under mine and flips us over completely. 

“Pez,” I say, a halfhearted warning. 

She rolls her eyes at me, knowing what I’m going to say before I even say it. This is how it happens every time, though I don’t usually let it get this far.

“We should stop,” I say, though we both know I don’t mean it. 

“Just a bit more, Jes,” she pleads, sounding proper needy. I don’t know if I like the sound of “just a  _ bit  _ more,” but I definitely don’t want to stop. So, I go along. I feel more than a little vulnerable, hovering over Perrie in nothing but a bralette and knickers, but I remain just as she’s placed me, awaiting her instructions. 

I feel her hands grip my ass, hard, and can’t help the little whine that sneaks through my lips. 

Perrie’s eyes meet mine and she grins, going back to her teasing ways before she sneaks her hands into my panties and cups my bare bum.

The sound I let out is half surprised and half moan, and I begin to feel a bit panicked. Groping is one thing. Hell, even snogging can be laughed off as drunken fun the next day, but nearly-naked, skin to skin touching? That may be more than my poor little noggin can process for the night, and more than we can explain away the next morning. 

Perrie must sense my hesitation as she quickly removes her hands, her nails teasing at the dimples on the base of my spine instead. 

“Can I tell you a secret?” She asks in a little voice. 

“You’ve told me lots before, so I suppose you could tell me one now,” I say with a laugh.

“I have wanted to touch those dimples for exactly three months and eleven days.”

“Bit creepy that you know that,” I say teasingly, bringing my hands up to scrape along her own ribcage, to see if she likes it as much as I do. The little shudder I receive is as good a confirmation as any.

“I like to think it’s romantic,” she says with a smile.

“Then why not tell me until now?” I ask, not wanting to ruin the mood but also wondering what the hell is actually going on. 

“Don’t ask me Jes, please,” she begs. 

So, I leave it. 

It’s at this point that I decide I won’t be the one to stop us tonight. 

“Off,” I command, tugging at her shirt. She looks at me hesitantly. 

“C’mon,” I beg. “I want to see all of you. Fair’s fair.”

“Yeah, but you have on a cute bra! Mine’s old.”

“I won’t be looking at the bra, babe,” I growl. I wonder momentarily if what I said was going too far, but then I decide that everything we’ve done since I opened the door to let her in is probably “too far.” We’re already way past friends, way past blaming the alcohol. May as well keep going, eh?

She looks at me a moment, biting her lip. I know she’s making a decision, but I’m not sure just what she’s decided. 

Well, until she tears her shirt off and throws it off the side of the bed. 

I bring my lips down to her shoulder, taking advantage of her newly exposed skin, and begin kissing my way up her neck, slowly, before kissing back down. I can tell she’s getting impatient with me, though my teasing has not lasted nearly as long as hers. 

Her frustrated little moans only grow louder when I ghost my fingers down her stomach, toying with the elastic bit at the top of her knickers. 

“Jesyyyyyyy,” she whines, tugging at my hair. When I make no move to change what I’m doing, she grabs my face and kisses me hard, wrapping her legs tighter around me to force more contact. I’m not ready for such force, and I clumsily collapse on top of her in a heap, my lips falling from hers and my chin smacking against her collar bone. 

“Ow,” she says with a loud laugh, running her fingers through my hair. I lay there a moment, enjoying the pure bliss that is her fingers on my scalp and her skin against mine, happy to listen to her heart beat loudly where my ear is pressed against it. 

“Are you alright, darling?” Perrie asks sweetly. I can hear the smile in her voice. 

“Not sure, actually,” I say with a laugh. “Think I could stay right here forever, though.”

“Mmm,” is all she offers in reply, still stroking her fingers through my hair. I smile, craning my head up to press a quick kiss to her chin, trying to get my arms back under me so I can continue my teasing when I feel her push at my shoulder

“I think we ought to stop now,” she says suddenly. 

I try to keep my expression neutral, but I know she must see my face fall from the look she gives me. “You know we can’t…” she reminds me, as if being reminded will somehow make me feel better. 

“Yeah, I know,” I say, pressing one last kiss to the sensitive spot under her jaw before I begin to roll away. 

She jerks me back before I can get very far, nudging my head back down to where I was laid across her chest. 

I look at her questioningly, completely unsure of what she wants. 

“You can stay,” she says, as if that’s enough of an explanation. 

“Pez,” I say in warning. 

“It’s just a cuddle between mates, right?” She says, looking guilty.

I’m not sure how many more times I can handle pretending that what we do is “just a cuddle,” what with Perrie’s marks all over my neck, or that we’re just “mates” with the way she always wants to hold me after. Any time this happens, though we’ve only kissed on a handful of occasions, she wants me to stay, wants to hold me, as if she can protect me from the hurt the nights like this eventually cause. It’s like she’s trying to make up for toying with me time and again, though we’ve never toyed this much. One of these days, we’re going to toy too far to ever hope to go back. 

This is the first time she’s ever touched me like  _ this _ , though. And the first time she’s ever showed up at my house in the middle of the night.

Usually our little trysts involve her sneaking into my bunk on the nights she can’t sleep, giving me a couple shy kisses that she’ll blame on tiredness or drunkenness or loneliness or whatever else the morning after, and one of us holding the other while we sleep. I always warn her that we should stop before anything else happens, and before tonight, she’s always heeded my first warning. 

We’ve never proper made out before, though. Tonight was utterly unexpected, and I still don’t know how to process it. I know I won’t be able to until Perrie’s not here, holding me, pale skin soft and warm against mine. 

“Jes, please stay,” she says, and I can hear the tears in her voice. “Just for tonight.”

“You can’t keep doing this to me, Pezza. I can’t take it,” I whisper, but settle myself back against her all the same. 

“I know. M’sorry,” she says, little tears tracking down her face. 

I want to kiss them away, but I know the time where I’m allowed to do so has passed. So, I settle for gently swiping them away with my thumb, and lift my head to plant a kiss on her forehead instead. 

“Don’t cry,” I say softly. “There’s nothing to cry over.” I try to smile, but the best I can manage is a small quirk of my lips. 

“I’m sorry, Jes,” she mumbles one last time before bringing a hand up to wipe away my tears that I didn’t notice had begun to fall. 

I don’t tell her it’s okay, ‘cos it’s not. But I don’t want to make her feel bad either, even though I know it will take me weeks to recover from tonight, if I even  _ can _ recover. Instead, I lay my head back into the space on her chest where it seems to fit perfectly, and close my eyes on everything that’s happened today. I feel her arms wrap tighter around me, feel a kiss pressed to my forehead, and then finally, I’m asleep. 

  
  


_ Friday _

I wake up at 8am to a pounding head and an empty bed. 

Perrie’s absence hurts more than it rightly should. She always leaves early the morning after she spends the night in my bed, but she usually says goodbye first. 

I spend the first 2 or so hours of the day crying into sheets that somehow smell like her, and the next 6 deep cleaning my house, if only to give me something to do besides think. 

I check my phone around 4 and find a thread of texts in our little mix group chat. 

_ Jadey: Going to Zumba at 6:30, any of yous wanna go??  _

_ Leigh-Leigh: Nah I’m beat. Have fun tho xx _

_ J: don’t come crying to me when you get fat _

_ L: JADE!! _

_ J: only kidding. You look bangin’, you know that. Enjoy having a rest. _

_ L: <3 xx _

_ J: Pez? Jesminda?  _

Just as I’m getting ready to reply that  _ I think I’ll pass today, thanks x  _ Perrie’s text comes through. 

_ Pezza: Can’t, with the boyf! Sorry! _

I stand there, just staring at the screen, reading her text over and over again.  _ Can’t, with the boyf! Sorry! _

_ J: you lucky bitch. Jed’s in bloody Amsterdam. _

_ P: Sorry not sorry:/ _

_ J: Ah, stuff it. _

_ J: Jes, don’t fail me now _

I can’t help but laugh a bit. And cry. The line between those two actions is always thinner than I remember. 

_ Just come pick me up when you’re ready _ , I reply. 

_ J: I love you _

_ J:You’ve always been my favorite. #Jadesy _

_ J: God bless you, Jessica. _

_ Yeah, yeah,  _ I reply, laughing and sniffling as I plunk at the keys on my phone.  _ Love you too.  _

_ J: I’ll pick you up at 6 _

_ J: Wear pants that make your butt look good _

_ J: Tight ones _

_ you slag,  _ I type and hit send, followed quickly by  _ okay. Any reason? A secret you’d like to tell us, perhaps? _

_ L: Lesbihonest… _

_ J: Sod off _

_ J: I’m not a lesbian just cause I like to look at Jesy’s ass _

_ J: That just means that I’m a person with eyes _

_ L: True^^ _

_ Aw thanks, loves xx _ , I reply.  _ Really tho, are we on the prowl? _

_ J: Aren’t we always? _

_ L: Jade, you have a boyfriend _

_ L: A great boyfriend _

_ L: That you love _

_ J: Yes _

_ J:True _

_ J: But I like to live out my slutty dreams vicariously through Jesy. _

_ Hey!  _ I reply.  _ What’s that supposed to mean? _

_ J: It means that the instructor is crazy hot and I know he likes redheads _

_ Hmm… _ I type in reply.  _ How’s he look? _

_ J: I mean _

_ J: Was “crazy hot” not descriptive enough _

_ Details, Jadey, _ I reply.

_ J: 6’3”, Brownish hair, blue eyes, huge arms _

_ J: Prolly a huge dick _

_ J: Just a guess _

_ L: JADE!! _

_ L: PLEASE  _

_ L: MY MOTHER IS READING MY TEXTS OVER MY SHOULDER _

_ J: Tell Debbie I said hi, then _

_ L: … _

_ L: She says hi back _

_ L: She also thinks that Jes should, and I quote, “Get it.” If she wants. _

_ L: I’m gonna off myself.  _

_ J: Lolllllllll _

_ How do I respond to that? Do I respond to that?  _ I ask. 

_ L: Please don’t _

_ J: Please do _

_ L: Sod off, Jade _

_ J: :( _

_ L: My mother says I have to apologize _

_ L: So sorry. _

_ J: I accept _

_ J: also, I need groceries before we go to zumba. Jes, see you in a couple hours! Remember, ass pants. Love yous xx _

_ L: love u too x _

_ Got it, ass pants;)  _ I reply.  _ Love u<3 _

Though Perrie didn’t reply but twice, I know she must’ve read the messages, and I hope she’s jealous of this mysterious hot man.

Because I’m very jealous of Alex at the minute.

I spend the next hour trying to get my emotions in check, and the one after picking out an outfit and putting half my hair up in a ponytail. I leave the bottom half down, hoping that this boy is worth the extra sweat. I throw on a bit of mascara and a little highlight, but don’t bother with anything else ‘cos I know I’ll sweat it off. 

Jade rings my bell at five til six, and I greet her with my shoes in hand. 

“Just let me pop my trainers on and we’ll go, alright?” 

“No rush,” Jade says. 

As I’m bent over putting my shoes on my feet, Jade wolf whistles. Well, sort of. She can’t exactly whistle. 

I turn to look at her, clearly confused. 

“Ass pants!” Is all she says in reply, and I nearly fall over with laughter. 

  
  



	2. Does this mean things have to change?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jealousy, heartbreak, and hunky men. Can't our poor girls just have a normal night out?😈

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title (once again) taken from "Ex" by Kiana Ledè. Enjoy!!

“Well done, everyone!” Matt, the crazy hot instructor says after class. Jade was right: he’s gorgeous. Still, despite my best efforts, I’m unable to think of anyone that’s not the little blonde I fell asleep on last night. 

“Hey, Jade! Wait up,” Matt says, walking over to us just as we begin to follow the others out the door. 

“Good to see you,” he says, giving Jade a hug, before turning to me. “Hi, I’m Matt.”

“Yeah, I got that when you introduced yourself to the class,” I say, with what I know is a wicked smile on my face. Whether I’m in my feelings over Perrie or not, I’m still a great flirt.

“Right, yeah,” he says with a smile, grabbing the back of his neck. “Didn’t really think that one through, did I?”

“Aw, that’s alright,” I say. “I’m Jesy.” 

“Yeah I kno- I mean, it’s nice to meet you.” He bumbles. 

I look at him confusedly, awaiting an explanation. 

“Ah, I’m really mucking this up. I guess you could say I’m a fan?” He says sheepishly. “That might be totally cringe-”

“Nah, I think it’s proper endearing,” I say, finding his nervousness cute. “Most boys pretend like they’ve never heard of us.” 

“I figured lying probably wasn’t the way to go for our first meeting. Unless you’d prefer that! ‘Cos in that case, I’ve never heard of Little Mix. What’s that? A kitchen appliance?” He says, and then immediately cringes. Again. “Wow, I can’t believe I just said that. I guess I’ll go now. ” 

I can’t help but laugh. He’s a total dork, but he’s sweet. I like that. 

“Now, hold on. This may be going better than you think,” Jade tells him encouragingly. 

I laugh. “She’s right.”

He grins back at me so wide he almost looks goofy, but he’s cute enough to get away with it. 

“Well, in that case: Jesy, would you like to go for a drink? Tomorrow, maybe?” He says, weighing his hands in the air to punctuate his question. 

“I would, actually, but I’m meant to go to a show with the girls. I’m sorr-”

“Wait, Leigh didn’t tell you?” Jade asks. 

“Tell me what?” I reply, genuinely having no idea what she’s talking about. 

“She mixed up the dates for the show. The Lion King is playing next Saturday, not tomorrow. She was supposed to tell you and Pez before you bought your tickets.”

“That girl,” I grumble. “She didn’t tell me nothing. And I’m pretty sure Perrie already has her tickets as well. What’s playing then?”

“Chicago.” Jade tells me. 

“Well, at least I like that one.” I say with a shrug. “Matt, do you like Chicago?”

“The city? Never been. Heard it’s quite windy, though.” He says far too seriously. 

I can’t help but laugh in response.

“I’ve never seen the show, but I’ve heard it’s good!”

“It is quite good. Would you like to come?” I ask, before I can talk myself out of it. 

“I’d love nothing more,” he says with a wink. 

“Good then, glad that’s settled.” Jade says, looking all too pleased with herself. “Jes, give Matt your number so you can get it all planned out. We’ve got to go now.”

“Sure,” I say, rattling off my number to Matt once he grabs his phone. He sends me a quick text so I’ve got his information as well, and then Jade and I are on our way. 

“What are you doing?” I ask once we’re settled in the car. 

“Celebrating,” she says, cracking open a bottle of champagne. “Merrick, where are the glasses?” 

“In the bottom compartment, Miss Thirlwall,” her driver calls back. “Are we taking Miss Nelson home?”

“If you would, Merrick, thank you.” I reply. 

“No problem, dear,” he calls back before closing the partition. 

I fasten my seatbelt before turning to accept Jade’s proffered glass. 

“Here you go darling,” She says, handing me the glass.

We clink glasses and then discuss the class, Matt, and my plans for tomorrow until the car pulls up outside my building. 

“Thank you, Jadey, for tonight. I had a good time,” I say, exiting the car. She follows me out to give me a hug. 

“Wait, what’s that?” She asks, poking at the deep purple spot on my neck. 

“Ow, Jade-”

“Is it a hickey?” she asks, grabbing my arm. “You naughty little minx-”

“ _ Perrie _ ,” I grumble, slapping a hand over my neck to cover it. 

“Wait, Pez did this? What happened? Did yous fight?” She asks, concerned. 

“Yes?” I say, sounding anything but convincing. 

I can see Jade trying to put all the pieces together in her head, and then in a single moment, it all clicks. 

“Merrick, can you pick me up in a couple hours?” Jade says, dragging me toward my door. 

“Surely can, Miss Thirlwall. Just call when you’re ready,” he replies. 

“Great, thanks!” She says, keying in the access code to my garage.

“Oh Sure, Jade, you can stay a bit, it’s no intrusion at all,” I mumble. “Also, how do you know my garage code?”

“I marked it down when we helped you move in. You never know when having it might be useful,” she says, as if that’s a perfectly normal answer.  For a moment I wonder if I should be worried, but it is just Jade after all.

“Alright, what the hell happened with Perrie?” She says, turning to face me once we’ve made it to my living room. “Also, why is your house so clean?” 

“Those two things are related, actually,” I mumble. “Do you want a drink?”

“Am I gonna need one?” She asks, only half joking. 

“May want to sit down as well,” I respond drily. “Vodka diet coke?”

“Ah, anything is fine,” Jade says with a wave of the hand.

I quickly pour a drink for each of us and then take a seat next to Jade, who’s settled herself on the couch and is stroking Reggie, who’s loving every minute of it.

“You know, I’m surprised you’re the last of us without a dog,” I say to Jade. “Always figured it’d be me.”

“Just never felt settled enough for one, I guess,” she says, still stroking Reggie. “C’mon Jes, what’s going on with you and Pez?”

“What a good question,” I say, studying my hands. I want to tell her, but my throat is so tight that I know I’ll cry if I speak. 

Jade notices immediately that something is off, and quickly scoots closer to me on the couch, looping an arm around my middle. That’s all it takes for the floodgates to open.

“Oh, Jesy,” she says, squeezing me tight. I just let her hold me, trying in vain to stop the tears as they come. Friend that she is, Jade just lets me cry, making soft shushing sounds, not asking any more questions until I give her the answers myself. 

“Perrie came here last night. Just showed up at my door, unannounced, ‘round midnight,” I start, and tell her everything that happened, sparing no details. She just lets me speak, trying to take in what I’ve told her, and by the end I can tell that she’s more than a little pissed. 

“I’m sorry,” I tell her softly, my voice cracking from all the crying. “I know stuff like this can get in the way of the band, and-”

“Jes, Pet, it’s not you I’m mad at,” she assures me, squeezing me tight and planting a kiss to my temple. 

“Don’t be mad at Pez,” I say, though one of us probably should be. “It all just sort of… happened.”

“Yeah, but she’s been thinking about it for a while,” Jade says. 

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“I told her she couldn’t keep doing this to you. I caught her sneaking out of your bed during the last press tour, two mornings in a row. I made some stupid joke about the Jerrie stans being heartbroken once they found out she was leaving me for you, and she looked way too spooked about the whole thing. She fessed up that she sneaks into your bunk a lot, that she kissed you once, that she might even have feelings for you. I told her she either needed to break up with Alex and tell you straight, or try and forget about her feelings and leave you be. I always suspected that you had a little crush on Pez-”

“I do.” I admit. 

“-but I didn’t want to press you about it. I figured if you wanted to tell us, you’d tell us when you felt comfortable enough to. I knew you wouldn’t do anything to put Little Mix in jeopardy.”

“I won’t.” I assure her. 

“I know, babe. But I also know you can’t help what you feel.”

“I know,” I say, sniffling and using the sleeve of my jumper to wipe the tears off my face. “Why am I such a mess?”

“I mean, it’s been a taxing day for you,” she says with a laugh. “Why did you agree to go to Zumba with me? You look like you’re about to fall asleep right this minute.”

“I think I am,” I say with a laugh, leaning my head on Jade’s shoulder. “I didn’t want you to have to go by yourself. Also, I needed to get my mind off of all of this, and I was running out of things to clean.”

“Well, next time, just come round mine. My closet needs reorganizing,” she says with a smile.

“You couldn’t pay me enough to organize your hoarder’s closet,” I say seriously. 

“That’s fair,” Jade says. At least she’s self aware. “So, what are you gonna do about this whole thing?”

“Ah, let’s see. I was planning to just pretend like nothing happened? I just wish Perrie would talk to me after she does stuff like this. ‘Specially since we’re going on a double date tomorrow, now.”

“Well shit, that is a bit of a mess, innit? Do you want me to buy a ticket and third- er, I guess fifth-wheel? I could bring me mam. She loves Chicago,” Jade says.

“No, that’s alright. I can handle myself,” I say with a smile. “Plus, Matt is really cute. Since Perrie’s spending all her time with Alex and not answering my texts, may as well try and… get over it?” 

“That’s the spirit,” Jade says. “Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, eh?” She says with a grin.

“You little minx,” I say, taking on an American accent. 

“Oi, I’m not the one who’s going on a double date with someone new along with the person who put hickeys on my neck the night before, am I?” She asks, and I can see the moment she regrets her words. “Sorry if that’s a bit insensitive, considering the situation.”

“It’s alright, babe. I know you didn’t mean anything by it,” I say, squeezing her tight. 

“Do you want me to stay the night?” She asks, stroking my hair. 

“And have three different people in my bed in three nights? Now that may be too much, even for me,” I say with a wink. 

“Naughty naughty,” Jade says, wagging a finger at me before her face lights up. “So you’re gonna bag Matt then, are ya?”

“Eh, we’ll see,” I say. “My little comment was mostly for your benefit.”

“Don’t get my hopes up,” she says. 

“You know this is my sex life we’re talking about, right? You have a boyfriend.”

“Who’s in bloody Amsterdam!” She says exasperatedly. 

“Well sor-ry,” I say sarcastically. “Must be such a burden to have found the love of your life.” 

“It is a burden when I haven’t seen him in person in 8 weeks. I swear, we’re not leaving bed for three days when he gets home. I better not be able to walk-” 

“Okay, this is getting too much for me,” I say, shaking my head and moving to get off the couch. 

“You love sex talk!” Jade says, disbelieving. 

“Yeah, but my sex life is sad right now. I have nothing to contribute,” I say grumpily. 

“Guess we’ll have to resume our conversation after Saturday, then,” she says with a wink, sipping down the rest of her drink before she stands up. 

“We’ll see,” I say again, rolling my eyes and pulling Jade in for a hug. “Thanks for lettin’ me cry on you.”

“Ah, what are friends for?” She says, returning the hug. 

“Are you staying here tonight?” I ask, though I already know the answer.

“I thought three people in three days was too many,” Jade says.

“Not for me,” I say lowly, before we both bust up laughing. 

“Nah, I best be on my way. Jed’s supposed to call after his show,” she says.

“Facetime or phone call?” I ask, suspicious.

“Oh, you know, just a bit of facetime,” she says coyly.

“You dirty slut!” I say jokingly. “I won’t keep you, then.”

She hugs me once more before making her way to the door. 

“Give Merrick my best,” I say, walking her out. 

“You know I will,” she says as I close the door behind me. “He’ll be here any minute, you don’t have to wait with me.”

“I’ll always wait with you, Jadey.”

“I know,” she says, smiling at me. “What do you think of brunch on Sunday? After your big date?”

“I mean, I’m down,” I say, not seeing a reason to say no. 

“Leigh will be thrilled,” she says, pulling up our group chat, and I see Leigh’s message.

_ Leigh-Leigh: Sorry about mixing up the dates for the show! How’s brunch on Sunday sound? Sketch at 11? My treat!  _

_ Jadey: Never  _

_ L: :( _

_ J: Jk. Jes and I are both in.  _

_ L: Yay!!:) _

_ L: Perrie? _

_ Pezza: Sounds good!  _

_ L: Aw yay! See you girls then! Let us know how the show is! And Jes, enjoy your date;) _

_ J: She’s gonna bang him _

_ J: Slag  _

__ “You know, this is really unfair of you to do to me when you know my phone is inside,” I say, reading the texts over her shoulder. 

“Eh, you’ll be fine. I think that’s Merrick, so you can go and respond anyway. Love you,” she says, giving me a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek, both of which I return, before she runs to the car that’s just pulled up in my driveway. 

“Love you too!” I yell, and then duck back inside once she’s safe in her car. 

I head back to the couch and grab my phone, which keeps dinging with new messages. 

_ L: Jade  _

_ L: That’s mean _

_ J: Sorry ‘bout it _

_ L: :( _

_ J: Jeez, Leigh. I’m sorry, okay? I just left Jesy’s house, I don’t think she’s mad at me _

_ Are you kidding me? I’m fuming!  _ I tap out quickly.  _ Jk, all is well. No worries xx _

_ J: See Leigh, we’re good.  _

_ L: Alright.  _

_ L: I love you girls.  _

_ Love you too <3 _ I type. 

_ P: Love you too xx _

_ J: Love you _

My phone stops going off after that, so I take that to mean that the conversation is over. When my phone dings again not 10 minutes later, I suspect it’s just Leigh adding something to the conversation. She always forgets something in her initial messages. 

From:  _ Pezza _

_ Hey,  _ the text reads. 

Well, that’s not Leigh. 

Perrie sends another message before I can even think about a reply.

_ P: I’m sorry. About all of this.  _

_ P: What I did was unfair to you, I know that _

_ P: I really am sorry, Jes<3 _

_ No worries <3  _ I type for the second time tonight, even though I am indeed full of worries.  _ See you tomorrow?? _

_ P: Of course xx _

_ P: Can’t wait to get a look at Matt!  _

_ P: Jade says he’s proper fit:P _

_ Jade’s got a proper crush on him, I think lol _ I type out, though I am most-certainly not  _ lol _ -ing. But “ _ trying not to cry ‘cause you don’t love me like I love you and it’s killing me inside” _ doesn’t fit with the text quite as easily. So, I stick with lol. 

_ P: lol _

_ P: Night, Jesminda xx _

_ Goodnight, Pezza _ I reply, before throwing my phone forcefully into the couch and flopping down on it. I debate trying to suffocate myself with one of the cushions, but decide just to take a shot and go to bed instead. 

  
  


_ Saturday _

I wake up on the couch around 9:30, puffy-eyed and beyond hungover, stomach roiling. I was going to take a shot and go to bed, I swear, but then I got into my stupid bed and found a blonde hair on my pillow and my sheets still smelled like jasmine and vanilla which means they still smelled like Perrie and it all got to be a little too much, so I went to the kitchen and took another shot, and then set about washing my face. 

And then I saw her stupid toothbrush still in it’s stupid spot in the stupid little caddy and I dragged a fuzzy blanket out from where they’re stowed in the little compartment hidden in my couch and grabbed the bottle of Grey and polished it off. 

Now, just looking at the bottle makes me feel ill, so I run to the bathroom. 

I don’t throw up. It’s like my body is punishing me for all of the poison I put in it last night. So, I just jump in the shower and let the steam wake me up. I cry a little bit more over Perrie, half thrilled about tonight and half wishing I had died in my sleep so I wouldn’t have to go. 

I text Jade about my death wish, cause I know she won’t lecture me about being too macabre like Leigh does, and she tells me to  _ just try and have fun. Matt’s a nice guy, give him a shot. _

I tell her I will, but I know that I won’t, really. I’m just too hung up on Perrie after Thursday, and as much as I hate myself for it, I can’t help what I feel. 

After my shower, I go on a run. So then I have to shower again, but I do feel a bit better. 

Once I’m finished, I make myself an omelette, and it’s alright. I’m not dead or ill from it, so I count it as a success. While I’m polishing off my omelette, I scroll through instagram, telling myself I’m looking for outfit inspiration when I’m really stalking Perrie. I find pictures of she and Alex from yesterday, looking almost as loved up as ever. Perrie seems a little bothered by something in the first photo, even frozen in a still frame, but I try not to read too much into it. I mean, I  _ want  _ to read into it,  _ badly _ , but I tell myself I’ve spent enough time being obsessed with her with far too little return. 

I look Matt up on instagram, if only to distract me from pouting over pictures of Perrie, and see that his little fitness page has quite the following. I quickly double-tap a couple of his most recent posts, and then another one from a few weeks ago that also features Jade.

I comment three fire emojis on this one, and wait for the fans to go mad. 

It doesn’t take long, with loads of people noticing my comment right away, and many commenting on it.

_ jesynelxon: @jesynelson omg are you guys dating? _

_ jadesy4real: Jadesy is real!! #confirmed _

_ jexynelsson: The queen has spoken!! Matt is out new instacrush _ 😍

_ jadeseysgirl: My Jadesy heart _ 😍😭

I don’t reply to anything, but I do have a little laugh at how many crazy assumptions are made because of three little emojis. 

I go back to scrolling when a notification comes through.

_ jadethrilwall replied to your comment _

So of course, I click on it.

_ @jesynelxon @jesynelson yes. Jesy and I are in love. #jadesy _

I can’t help but laugh. I reply  _ @jadethirlwall I thought we weren’t telling anyone yet?? _ 🙊

_ jedstruts: @jadethirlwall @jesynelson can’t say I’m surprised, but I am a little hurt. Any chance of getting my girl back? _

_ jadethirlwall: @jedstruts perhaps I can be persuaded if someone were to come back from Amsterdam?? _ 😜

_ jedstruts: @jadethrilwall I was actually talking about Jesy... _ 😬

I spit out the sip of water I’d taken, choking. Before I have time to reply, the unexpected happens.

_ perrieedwards: @jedstruts sorry but she’s mine _ 💁🏼💅🏻  _ #pesyisreal _

I put my phone down then, unable to do anything but lay back on my couch and wonder what the hell is going on.

My phone starts ringing, and I pick it up without looking at the caller ID.

“Yes?”

“Are you seeing what’s happening on instagram?” Jade asks me, not even bothering with a hello. “It’s mental.”

“Yes, I’m seeing it. Sort of. I’m not looking now. I’m gonna get ready for my date,” I babble.

“Good idea. I’ll send you any important updates,” Jade says.

“Don’t. Please?” I ask. 

“Alright, fair enough. You gonna be okay tonight?” she asks sincerely.

“I’ll survive,” I say with an awkward giggle.

Jade just sighs, and though I can’t see her I know she’s nodding her head in understanding. “I’m here if you need me, okay? Or if you don’t. I’m here for you, always.”

“Thank you, Jade. Love you.”

“Love you too, babe. See you tomorrow!” She says, far too cheerfully. 

“See you,” I say, before cutting the call. 

I try to open instagram once more, but the app crashes as soon as I open it, and I take it as a sign from God. 

I busy myself with getting ready, even though I’m not meeting Matt for another four hours. 

I start with my hair, opting to tame my natural curls a bit instead of doing something fussier. I take my time with my make-up, going for a bronzy, dramatic eye, but neutral lips. I figure that Matt saw me all sweaty and disgusting in Zumba class, so he probably won’t give much thought to my make-up. Boy’s rarely do, but still. Perrie, however, is a sucker for a good eye. 

And a nice ass.

I have both, so even though I’m totally not thinking about her at all, I decide to wear a green bomber jacket, to bring out my eyes, and black everything else. The bottoms are a bit long for shorts, but they have slits that border on being too high for the public eye, so I decide it’s a well balanced outfit. 

After fussing in the mirror a few minutes, I decide the outfit isn't right for the show, and decide on a red and white patterned dress instead. It’s long, but there’s a high slit up the side, so I still get to show a bit of leg. Plus, it’s red, and I know I look good in red. 

I spend the hour before I’m meant to leave adding little bits of highlighter here and there and putting the same choker on and taking it off over and over again before I get the notification that my car’s here. 

I quickly grab my clutch and rush out the door letting Matt know I’m on my way. 

_ Cool, cool. _ He replies.  _ I’ll leave soon. _

_ You haven’t left yet? _ I ask.  _ I’m a bit surprised;) _

_ Matt: No _

_ M: Completely forgot about tonight if I’m honest _

_ M: didn’t facetime my mum earlier so she could help me pick out a shirt and call me her “handsome boy” to boost my confidence, either _

_ M: No siree _

_ M: Not me _

_ You’re already there, aren’t you?  _ I tap out, laughing. 

_ M: ... _

_ M: Yeah _

_ M: Not to be a Keen Dean or anything but _

_ M: I’m kind of looking forward to tonight:P _

He’s unbelievably dorky, but he really is very sweet, and for the first time I find myself genuinely looking forward to tonight. 

_ Me too:)  _ I reply.  _ Be there in 2. _

_ M: Cool cool;) _

I laugh, tucking my phone into my purse for the rest of the ride. 

I thank the driver once he opens my door, then head into the restaurant. 

Matt waves to me as soon as I spot him, and starts making his way toward me.

“Hey, y’alright?” He asks sheepishly, ducking down to give me a hug. I return it eagerly, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. 

“I’m well, thanks. Yourself?”

“I’m feeling… spectacular,” he says, flashing me that megawatt smile of his and throwing in a little wink. “Ah, Jade said you liked vodka diet coke?” he says, offering me the drink I’ve just noticed is in his hand.

“Thanks,” I say, grabbing the proferred drink, making sure our hands brush as I take it from him. “Have you been here before?”

“A couple of times. I’m a big fan of Indian food, but I usually just get takeaway from the little place near my apartment…”

We continue to chat, conversation flowing easily throughout dinner. Matt’s pretty perfect, really. Just my type: Sweet, but I can tell he’ll throw me around a bit if I ask. Not for the first time today do I wish I wasn’t so hung up on Perrie. 

‘Cos as cute and sweet and funny as Matt is, my mind wanders to Perrie every couple of minutes. 

“I told you we’re meeting my friend at the theater, right?” I ask once we’re in his car, on our way to the show.

“Yeah, I think you mentioned it. Perrie, right?” He says, smiling. 

“That’s the one,” I say, trying to keep the sadness from creeping into my voice. I think I’m mostly successful. “Hey boyfriend will be there as well.”

“More the merrier. D’you like the boyfriend, at least? I need to know if I need to try and make friends, or if being polite is more the direction we’re going,” he says honestly, affecting a more posh accent. 

I can’t help but laugh. “He’s a good guy,” I say, even though I don’t really want to. It’s the truth. “I set them up, actually.”

“Okay, so friends it is,” he says resolutely. “Hey, Jesy?” 

“Yes?” I say, bringing my hand to rest on his arm that’s controlling the gear lever. 

“Thanks for inviting me out tonight, I’m having a good time,” he says genuinely. 

“Me too,” I say, being mostly honest. If I could shake the grey cloud that is Perrie Edwards, this night would be perfect. 

I’m a little bothered that I’m seeing Perrie as a cloud, as she’s always been my little ray of sunshine, but I don’t have too much time to ponder my mildly troubling thoughts before Matt is parking the car in the garage. 

“Should I have valeted?” He asks once we’re parked, looking genuinely worried. 

I can’t help but laugh. “Nah, I’m not fussy.”

“Okay, whew,” he says, blowing out a big breath and wiping at some nonexistent sweat on his forehead. 

I laugh again, and he winks as he gets out of the car before running around to open my door. I take the arm he offers, reveling in the fact that I feel… nice. Steady. Matt’s a steady, calming presence. I can only hope he’ll be so calming when we come across Perrie. 

We head to the theatre lounge, which is where we’re meant to meet Alex and Pez. While we wait, we take full advantage of the complimentary champagne being offered at every turn. Matt’s telling me a story about the time his brother broke his leg trying to snag a ball from a tree, perfectly animated in his explanation. I laugh at all the right bits, which really isn’t hard, considering what an excellent storyteller he is. 

“Is that Jessica Nelson? My friend Jessica Nelson?” Alex calls, he and Perrie slowly walking towards us. 

“Is that the ol’ Ox? Good ol’ Alex Chamberlain?” I call in a similar fashion, smiling and giving him a quick hug. “How are you, mate?”

“Oh, I’m well, I’m well. All the better for seeing you,” he says, giving me an over-the-top wink. 

“Ah, you charmer,” I say just as cheesily before turning to Perrie. “Hiya Pez.”

“Hey, babe,” she says easily, pulling me into a tight hug. We stay together just a second too long, only breaking apart when one of the boys clears his throat. 

“Oh, sorry!” I say, pulling back from Perrie quickly. “I forgot the introductions! Perrie, Alex, this is Matt. Matt, these are Pez and Alex.” 

“Pleasure,” Matt says with an easy smile, reaching out to shake Alex’s hand, and then Perrie’s.

“Ah, a good, firm handshake. Big fan of that,” Alex says, nodding his head. 

“You goof,” Perrie says, squeezing his arm before turning to Matt. “Now, do you prefer just “Matt,” or “Jade’s crazy-hot zumba instructor Matt?’”

Matt laughs. “‘Jade’s crazy-hot zumba instructor Matt” is actually my given name, but it’s a bit of a mouthful, so just Matt’s alright.”

We all laugh, chatting casually before Alex sets about getting to know Matt a bit better, asking him his opinions about football. 

Matt’s all too happy to answer his questions, and the boys are quickly absorbed in conversation, leaving Perrie and I to chat amongst ourselves. 

“Matt seems...nice,” Perrie says in a way that makes her sound jealous. She has no right to be, but still, I’m a little excited by the prospect. 

“Yeah, he’s very sweet,” I say genuinely. The conversation stalls, something that never happens between us, and it makes me a little worried if I’m honest.

“Are you excited for the show?” I ask, just tired of the silence. 

“Yeah,” she says, a forced smile on her face. “Leave it to Leigh to mess up the dates.”

“Ah, I don’t mind. Gave me an excuse to see you,” I say cheekily, before cringing. 

Perrie doesn’t seem to mind, though. 

“I’m glad to see you too,” she smiles. “I think Alex was, as well. Unless he’s really a secret Chicago fan.”

I don’t really have time to process what she’s said before I feel a gentle hand on my arm. 

“Jes?” Matt questions quietly. 

“Yeah?” I ask, smiling.

“Sorry to interrupt, but me and Alex are gonna head to the balcony bar and pick up a couple drinks. Do you want anything?” 

“Another vodka diet coke?” I ask. 

“Ah, I see you’re feeling adventurous,” he says with a laugh. 

“Shut up,” I say, pushing at his arm a bit. 

He laughs again. “Alright, Alright, I’m going. Perrie, would you like anything?”

“For my useless boyfriend to come ask me what I want,” she says a bit too loudly, so that Alex can hear from where he’s stood in front of the lounge TV.

He laughs, thinking she’s joking, as does Matt. I’m not so sure, though. 

“Sorry, babe,” he says, walking over to plant a sloppy kiss to her temple. “What’ll you have?” 

“Vodka soda,” she says, looking a little less mad. “Thank you.”

He just nods his head before starting the journey to the bar, waving his hand at Matt to follow. 

Matt smiles and winks, squeezing my hand before jogging a couple steps to catch up to Alex. 

“He really is nice, Jes,” Perrie says, almost angrily. 

“Perrie, is something wrong?” I ask finally, both tired of her thinly veiled resentment and worried about her. 

“Yes!” She says a bit too loudly, drawing eyes from all around the room. “Yes. Everything’s wrong because nothing should be wrong.”

“How do you mean?” I ask, confused by her cryptic statement. 

“It’s just-” she starts, and then I notice how close she is to tears. 

I grab her hand.

“Let’s go to the bathroom, yeah? The boy’s’ll be at the bar awhile anyway, the line is huge,” I say, pointing towards the long line on the balcony above us. 

Perrie nods her head, biting at her bottom lip harshly to stave off the tears. She lets me lead her to the other side of the room, into a single-cubicle gender-neutral restroom. I quickly pull her inside, locking the door behind us. I’m expecting some tears, or even a little yelling, maybe, so I’m caught completely off-guard when Perrie slams me back against the door, kissing me roughly. 

I respond on instinct, opening my mouth to her tongue and threading a hand through her hair before I even have the chance to think better of it. 

“Wait, Pez,” I say breathlessly, breaking the kiss. “What the hell?”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaaand part 2 is finally up! It's been done for literal weeks (minus some minor edits) but I didn't have anywhere to post it, so it's just been sitting in my google drive. I'm so happy that it's finally out!   
> Jesy's outfits, both the actual one she wears on the date and the first one she tried on can be found here:  
> https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwiFp6ry7MzjAhXTXM0KHUPGBoIQjRx6BAgBEAU&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.dailymail.co.uk%2Ftvshowbiz%2Farticle-4777682%2FJesy-Nelson-flaunts-tattooed-pins-red-hot-floral-dress.html&psig=AOvVaw0msCiH_nQxarRsh5n9rDxJ&ust=1564033436750831  
> https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwi6oPWZ7czjAhXbK80KHWidA4kQjRx6BAgBEAU&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.thesun.co.uk%2Ftvandshowbiz%2F2240287%2Fjesy-nelson-beams-as-shes-seen-for-the-first-time-since-news-her-wedding-is-off-as-she-joins-little-mix-in-france%2F&psig=AOvVaw23_7-Q2dYwtbdbu0U7d7Bl&ust=1564033520435231  
> I mean if you're reading this you're probably a massive stan anyway and knew exactly the outfits I was talking about the second I started to describe them, but whatever. Jesy looks great in both outfits and no one should be deprived of seeing her in them. They're hella cute.   
> This fic won't be near as long as (no one else can fix me) Only You, which I promise will be finished soon! The last chapter of Only You is half-written- I'm just waiting on a final bit of inspiration.   
> Also my friend Tine (1TheArtOfLosing1 here on Ao3- you should totally go check out her stuff!!) sent me a Pesy one shot where they have a baby and honestly I haven't been able to get the idea of Pesy w/ a baby out of my head since, so I've spent a shit-ton of time the last couple of days writing a fic that may never see the light of day.   
> Whoops.   
> If there's any interest, I'll post it.   
> Eventually.  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed part 2, and I'd love to see what you guys have to think!   
> Have a swell day!  
> xx  
> Sydd
> 
> Ohh, and come say hi on Tumblr!! 16sydd16


	3. I got no trouble with my pride, got trouble cutting ties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't ask questions, Jesy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, another update!   
> Enjoy!  
> xx

“Don’t ask questions, Jesy,” she spits, shoving my hands above my head and pinning my body to the door with her own. I know I should be mad-irate, even- but the low growl of her voice and the way she’s yanking me around have made me incapable of feeling anything but  _ need.  _

I need to feel her lips on mine, feel her hands on my body. 

I give in to the need for a few more moments before I somehow manage to turn my head and push her away. 

“Perrie, stop!” I command, breathing heavy. 

She holds my gaze as she backs up, looking a breathtaking and infuriating mix of dreadfully confused and absolutely sure.

We stay like that a minute, just staring at each other, breathing heavily. 

“Jes, I’m- I’m sorry,” Perrie finally says, wringing her hands. “I- We should go.” She starts toward the door, reaching around me to grab the handle. Before she can get it open, though, I reverse our positions, pinning her up against the door just as she did me moments ago. 

“We have to talk about this, Pez,” I say. “I feel like I’ve been crying for two straight days. I’m so confused. There’s a lovely man out there who I feel I could really get on with, but my mind is so full of you that I haven’t given him a proper chance. I don’t know what’s going on, and it scares me. Something feels different with us this time.”

“It is different this time,” she says with a sigh, bringing her hands up to hide her face. “Look, I know this is isn’t fair ‘cos I started this whole thing, but can we not do this tonight?”

“Pez-”

“I don’t want to talk about it right now, alright?” She says angrily, even though she’s got no right to be the angry one. 

“When are we gonna talk, then? You always say we’re gonna talk, gonna figure things out, and then we never do. You run back to Alex and I shut up because I love you but I can’t keep doing this, Perrie. It’s killing me,” I tell her sincerely, grabbing her hands, trying to make her see how this makes me feel. 

“Just for tonight, Jes. Please? I’ll come over this week, tomorrow, even, and we can talk about all of this. Alright?” She asks, eyes shining. 

I want to confront her, but I can’t. I care about her happiness more than I care about mine, and if putting this off will keep her from crying, then we’ll put it off. 

“Alright. But no more trying to kiss me tonight, okay? My poor heart needs a break,” I say, only half kidding. 

“No promises,” she says. “I’m kidding. We’re just friends tonight.”

“Well, alright then,” I say, popping the lock open on the door. “You first.”

She gives me a tight smile before opening the door, holding it for me as I walk out. 

We return to our spot from earlier and wait for the boys, who are surely still in line. Perrie and I chat about safe things, like work and the weather, until the boys return 15 or so minutes later. 

“Vodka diet coke,” Matt says by way of greeting, handing me my drink. 

“Thank you,” I say with a smile, grabbing the drink with one hand and squeezing his arm with the other. I let my hand fall gently down his arm until I reach his hand, threading his fingers through mine while I casually sip my drink. 

He squeezes my hand so I look at him, see him grinning at me. 

“This alright?” I ask, quietly, squeezing his hand. 

“Couldn’t be better,” he says, tossing me a little wink. 

The lights flicker just then, letting us know that we’re only 10 minutes out from showtime and need to take our seats.

“Eeeee, c’mon Jes! It’s about to start!” Perrie says, yanking my hand from Matt’s and leading us toward our seats. 

I follow her ‘cos I’ve got no choice, not with the way she’s gripping me. I shoot a look at Matt over my shoulder, as if to say  _ sorry _ , but he just smiles at me and nods his head. 

Once we’re nearly to our seats and a good few steps in front of the boys, I shoot an angry look at Perrie.

“What was that?” I ask, more than a little pissed. 

Still, I don’t retract my hand from hers.

“What was what?” Perrie asks far too innocently. “Wait, I think these are our seats.”

She pulls me down next to her once we reach the four seats that are together. 

I want to question her again, but the boys are upon us. Alex climbs over the two of us to sit on the other side of Pez, and Matt settles into his chair next to me. 

“So do you have snacks in your purse, or?” Matt says a little too seriously.

I laugh. “Nah, sorry to disappoint. We do have the option to order dessert at the intermission, though.”

“Oooohhhh, I love a dessert,” Matt says with a sigh. 

“Me too,” I say. “The gooey lava cake here is so good that it’s worth the extra 2 hours I’ll have to spend in the gym on monday.”

“Do you maybe want to spend those two hours with me?” Matt asks, looking nervous. “No pressure, or anything. You don’t have to tell me right now, and I know it’s probably rude to ask in the middle of the date, but I’m having a really good time, and if you’re going to the gym anyway-”

“I’d like that,” I say, interrupting his nervous rambling. “You don’t need to be so nervous, eh? I’m having a lovely time.”

“I’m not nervous,” he says, crossing his arms. “Nah, not at all.”

I laugh, having been around him enough by now to know that he’s joking.

“Thanks,” he says, “For, ah, assuaging my worries. I’m a bit of an overthinker, if you couldn’t tell.”

“Not at all,” I say teasing. “You’re a bit lukewarm, if anything. I didn’t even think you liked me that much.”

He just laughs, throwing a confident arm around my shoulders. “Yeah, sorry about that. Biggest complaint at my gym is my lukewarm personality. It’s a real challenge for me.”

“Shut up,” I say, pushing at his shoulder, leaning back against the arm he’s got around me. “What class do you teach on mondays?”

“Well, I teach Zumba in the morning, twice, and then I teach a woman’s weights class, and then cycling, and I end the day with a barre class.”

“Do you just teach the girly classes on purpose?” I ask, genuinely curious. 

“I like the “girly” classes,” he tells me with a laugh. “The boys are always trying to prove that they’re stronger than me. The girls know they are, so they don’t worry about trying to impress me.”

“You’re quite the charmer,” I tell him, leaning my head on his shoulder, as if it’s our 10th date and not our first. 

“I do try,” he says, dropping a quick kiss to my hair. “I was a really shy little kid. Didn’t have the courage to talk to anyone. So, sometimes I talk too much now. The girls don’t mind the chatter so much.”

“We do love a good chinwag,” I say, appreciating the information he’s just given me. He’s trying to build trust, and not for the first time tonight I find myself hoping that I’ll be able to work my feelings out sooner rather than later. Matt doesn’t deserve to be strung along, or be someone’s second choice. 

I’m hoping he’ll grow to become my first one.

“Any of those classes peak your interest?” He asks, bringing my brain back to the task at hand. 

“I’ve always wanted to take a Barre class,” I say. “I do a lot of dancing, but not like that.”

“Barre it is, then. Drink lots of water, and take an ibuprofen after. I was so sore after my first time that I called in the next day. I couldn’t walk down my steps.”

I can’t help but laugh. “Well, I was planning on running to the gym, but you’re making it sound like I may need my energy.”

“Nah, I think you’ll be fine with a run before, to loosen you up,” he tells me. “Just don’t plan on walking any further than the elevator to the ground floor after.”

“Good to know,” I say with a smile, “Now-”

Before I can ask my question, the lights go completely down and the curtain opens. I smile at Matt apologetically, and he just nods his head. 

I shift my attention from him to the excitement that’s starting on stage. 

I’m completely enthralled in the show, not taking my eyes off the stage hardly at all until the curtain falls and the lights come up for intermission. 

I turn to Matt to ask him what he thought, but he’s already looking at me, grinning. 

“What?” I ask, giving him a small smile.

“You’re just cute, s’all,” Matt says, shaking his head. He clears his throat. “Okay, so what does dessert look like around here?”

“Well, there’s the delicious lava cake, which is my absolute fav. Or there’s a cherry cheesecake, though I couldn’t tell you what that tastes like, since none of the girls or I have ever gotten it. There’s also a chocolate brownie situation that Perrie always gets, and I always eat a bit of it, and then I believe there is a peach cobbler as well. They all come with icecream, except the cheesecake,” I tell him. 

“You ought to get the cobbler, man, it’s the best,” Alex says from where he’s sat next to Perrie. 

“No, the brownie’s the best!” Perrie says. 

“I think I might get the cheesecake, actually,” He says sheepishly. “Is that alright?”

“Course it’s alright, it’s your dessert,” I say with a laugh. 

“Alright, then,” Matt says, relaying his order to the waiter who’s just come down our aisle. 

After we’ve finished ordering, the four of us strike up a chat. Matt and Alex get to talking about the classes Matt teaches, and Alex says he may have to come check out his gym next time he’s in town. 

We chat about nothing of consequence, really, and then the dessert arrives. I fold the armrest between mine and Perrie’s chairs up out of habit, placing my dessert next to hers on the little tray table in front of us. 

The boys look a little confused, but Alex just laughs, Matt joining him soon after. 

“Don’t try and get between these two and their desserts. We went out in Paris together once and Perrie and Jes “split” a dessert, and then  _ another _ , and I really thought that one of them was going to punch the other out for the last bite.”

Pez and I both turn to scowl at him. 

“What? It’s the truth,” Alex says, smile tugging at his lips. 

“Well, we wouldn’t have had to get another if  _ someone _ , who said he wasn’t gonna eat any, hadn’t hogged all the good bits,” Perrie says dryly. 

Before Alex can argue, the lights dim again, and the curtain rises up. 

Perrie and I both pick at each other’s desserts, as well as our own. We always share, ‘cos both of us like a bit of variety. 

And chocolate. 

It’s just as I’m accepting Perrie’s spoon in my mouth that I realize that this  _ may _ bug Matt. Normally, I wouldn’t care if he cared, because he wouldn’t have anything to worry about, but it’s  _ Perrie _ , so I guess he does have something to worry about. 

I quickly slurp the rest of the brownie ice cream combo off of Perrie’s spoon before I take a peek at Matt. 

He turns to look at me when I look at him, and if he saw my little moment with Perrie, he doesn’t seem bothered. 

We finish our desserts, and the waiters come around to collect them. I’m fully absorbed in the show again, no longer having any food to distract me, when I feel a hand.

On my thigh. 

High on my thigh.

High on my thigh closest to Perrie. 

I’m shocked initially, even though I really shouldn’t be. I want to yell at her, for treating me like shit and being a sort of bad friend for not respecting my boundaries and other things of that sort, but I can’t. I crave the feel of her hand on me too badly, and she knows it.

She teases me throughout the rest of the show, dragging her fingers up and down my leg, closer to my center and then away again. Nothing lewd happens, though I would probably let it. The dark room contrasted with the bright stage makes it impossible for anyone to see the way Perrie’s feeling me up, and as much as wish I weren’t, I’m enjoying it. 

She gives my leg one final squeeze during the last number and pulls her hand away. 

I look at her as she retreats only to find her eyes firmly fixed on the stage, as if nothing’s happened. 

I manage to tear my eyes away from her for the curtain call, clapping for the cast in all the right places. 

“How’d you like it?” I ask Matt once the lights go up.

“I haven’t seen a lot of musicals, but I quite liked it. I like the cell block thing. I thought it was a cool idea,” he tells me honestly. 

“It’s one of my favorite bits in the show, to be honest. The  _ cell block tango _ ,” I tell him. 

“We’re gonna grab one last drink at the bar before we head out. Join us?” Alex asks us, cutting into the conversation.

“I’m up for it if you are,” Matt says.

“Sure!” I tell Alex, having to fake a bit of enthusiasm. 

“Alright!” Alex says with a grin.

Perrie is uncharacteristically quiet, but she’s been weird all night. This is the least concerning of her actions during our double date. 

We all head up to the bar together this time. Most people just cut out once the show’s over, so the line is nearly nonexistent. 

Mine and Perrie’s interactions are a bit frosty during our little post-show drink. I know Matt notices, and I know Alex doesn’t. He’s a nice guy, but not incredibly aware of his surroundings, especially after a bevvy or two. Matt hasn’t had a drink since before the show, as he’s got to be able to drive out of here. I get the sense that he’s the observant sort regardless, though. 

We part ways with an enthusiastic  _ we should do this again sometime! _ from Alex and considerably less enthusiastic  _ sure _ s from me and Perrie.

Matt reaches for my hand as we walk to the garage, and I let him take it. 

I know he can sense that something is bothering me, but he’s kind enough not to push it. 

Still, I don’t want him to think that it’s his fault, so I know I’ve gotta talk about it. 

“I had a really great time tonight,” I say with a smile, putting a hand on his arm as he navigates his way back to my house. 

“I’m glad,” he says, looking at me with a smile before he turns his head back to focus on the road. “I was sort of worried I’d done something to make you upset at the end there,” he says with a laugh, though I can sense the worry underneath.

“Nah, you were wonderful,” I say with a genuine smile. “Perrie just- she reminded me of some work stuff we have to do this week, and it kinda killed my good mood,” I say with a little laugh. “We’re having quite a bit of drama with our label and our management team at the minute, and it’s just very stressful.”

That’s not a lie, at least. 

“Ah, I’m sorry,” he says, reaching for my hand and giving it a squeeze. 

“S’alright, I’m getting used to the stress,” I say. “There’s always some sort of problem in the Little Mix camp. I don’t know why we can’t just talk about things, but it’s whatever,” I rant, knowing I’m talking about me and Perrie, but needing to vent to someone. Poor Matt. He really doesn’t deserve all this. 

“I’m sorry things are like that, Jesy. If there’s anything I can do to help, just let me know, alright? I could probably, like, zumba someone to death if it came to that,” he says, immediately cringing. “Wow, I’m not doing much to butch up my image, am I?”

I laugh. “That’s alright. I like you just how you are,” I tell him with a smile. 

At his returning smile, I feel a little sick to my stomach, but push it away. If anyone can help me get over Perrie, it’s Matt. It’s not fair for him to be second to her, but I’m hoping he can edge her out of this race for my heart soon enough. A race that Matt doesn’t know he’s in, much less losing.

We make a bit of small talk on the way home, and I manage to keep Perrie out of my thoughts for just a bit.

Matt walks me to my door once we get home and gives me a hug. He seems surprised but pleased when I plant a quick kiss to his lips. 

He hugs me again, a little tighter this time, and pecks a kiss to my cheek as he bids me goodnight. I shoot him a smile and duck in my house quickly. 

I send a text to Jade as soon as the door shuts behind me.

_ Boy, have I got a story for you _ , I type.

_ Can it wait till brunch tomorrow? I’m sexting. And no offense, but ur killing the mood. I do not want to think abt u rn. _

_ More than I needed to know _ , I send back.  _ Yeah, I can wait _ .

_ I had to hear about Pez pulling off your shirt and groping you,  _ she replies.  _ This is nothing _ .

_ yeah yeah  _ I type out.  _ ‘Ave fun _ 👀

_ nanite xx _

_ Night, Jade  _ I reply, clicking my phone screen off. 

I ready myself for bed quickly, take a sleeping pill, and set my alarm to wake up with enough time to pick out a cute, casual outfit for brunch tomorrow. 

Luckily, sleep takes me quickly. Actually, it might have less to do with luck and more to do with the magical powers of Ambien, but either way, I’m grateful. 

I wouldn’t say I wake up well-rested, but it could be worse. 

I quickly hop in the shower, letting the hot water wake me up and get me ready for the day. 

After I’m done with my morning routine, I throw on a bit of makeup. I get a tad distracted with singing the spice girls into a fluffy powder brush though, and end up falling a little behind. 

I pick out my outfit fast, opting to go the comfy route with a big jumper and some bike shorts, along with some chunky trainers. 

I call the car and quickly run my hands through my hair, slicking a little product onto my still-wet hair and then blowing it out until the car arrives. It’s dry enough.

I’m second to last to arrive, which isn’t unusual. Jade hates being late, and Leigh’s rarely late without a reason. 

I’m usually close to on time, give or take 5 or so minutes. 

Perrie is almost never on time, but today is the exception. I’ve just hugged Jade and Leigh and taken my place at the table when she arrives, two minutes before the hour. 

“Good morning, everyone!” She says brightly, giving us each a hug and a kiss on the cheek. 

She doesn’t look at me.

“Morning, Pezza,” Leigh says sweetly. “You’re awful chipper this morning.”

“Plenty of reasons to be chipper, darling,” Perrie says, smiling. It’s a hollow smile, but I don’t say anything. 

We chat casually for the next few minutes, just talking about the food we’re planning to get and our respective drives here. 

“Okay, enough of the boring stuff,” Leigh says with a smile. “I want to hear how your unintentional double date went!”

“Yeah, thanks for that, by the way,” I say with a grumble. 

“Oh, don’t mind her,” Perrie says when she notices Leigh’s pout. “The show was great.”

“It really was,” I admit. “Chicago is one of my favorites.”

“Oh, we don’t care about the show,” Jade says with a wave of the hand. “Tell us about Matt!”

Matt’s easy enough to talk about, even with Perrie right next to me.

“Well, he’s very cute, and sweet. He’s invited me to his class on Monday, and I’m gonna go, I think. He’s funny, charming, gets along with everyone. Just an all-around good guy,” I say with a smile. “Also, Jade, thanks for the helpful hints. Matt must’ve listened to whatever you told him about me, because he took me to my favorite indian place, and he had a vodka diet coke ready for me when I arrived.”

“You know, I really have done well with this one,” Jade says cockily. 

“Sounds like you have,” Leigh says, thrilled to be talking about boys. “I can’t wait to meet him. Pez, what did you think?”

“Oh yeah, he’s great,” she says tightly. “Alex really liked him. Couldn’t shut up about him on the car ride home. He’s got a proper man crush, I think.”

“I didn’t know they hit it off  _ that _ well,” I tell Perrie, unsure how to feel about everything she’s just told me. 

“Apparently they weren’t the only ones to hit it off that well!” Leigh says, pointing at me. “Jesy, you’ve got a hickey the size of jupiter on your neck!”

“That’s not from Matt,” Perrie says quickly. I wonder if she meant to say it. 

The look on her face seconds after the words leave her lips lead me to believe that the answer is no. 

I freeze, looking quickly between a red Perrie, a confused Leigh anne, and a knowing Jade.

“Well, that’s alright. It’s not like you and Matt are exclusive or anything. But if they’re not from Matt, then who are they from? Should we be worried?” Leigh asks, only half kidding. 

“I need a wee,” Perrie says suddenly, pushing her chair back and walking quickly towards the bathroom. 

“Guess that mimosa hit quick,” Leigh says with a little smile, before she catches Jade and I exchanging a look. “Wait, am I missing something? I’m a bit daft, so you two are gonna have to help me out here.”

She looks at us expectantly, but we say nothing. 

“Come on, you two clearly know something. What gives?” She asks, looking first at Jade and then at me. “Jes?”

“The mark on my neck is from Perrie,” I say quietly, not meeting Leigh’s eye. 

“Oh,” Leigh says, still not getting it. “Did you two… fight, or something?”

Jade laughs at Leigh’s cluelessness, and I kick her under the table. 

“No. It’s… what you thought it was,” I say slowly. 

“Oh.  _ Oh _ ,” she says, nearly choking on a grape that she snagged from the fruit bowl in the middle. “So did you… hook up with Pez and Alex last night?”

“What? No!” I say, doing a bit of sputtering myself. “No, we didn’t- well, Pez and I almost- shit, how do I explain this one?” I ask a smiling Jade. 

“Good luck,” she says with a laugh. 

“Wait, you knew? How did you know?” Leigh asks Jade. 

“Do you wanna tell her, or-” Jade asks me. 

“Nah, it’s fine. You tell her. I’m gonna run to the bathroom and check on Pez,” I say.

“Sure, go “check on” Pez,” Jade says, wiggling her eyebrows. 

“You know, sometimes, I can’t stand you,” I tell her. 

“I know,” she says, giving me that shit-eating grin of hers. “Oh, and Jes?”

“Yeah?” I say, standing behind my chair. 

“Should I leave out the part about the lacy blue bra and the naked ass-groping, or-”

“Jade!” Leigh and I shriek in unison. 

She laughs as I flip her off and stomp away. 

Poor Leigh is gonna get way more than she bargained for at our little brunch. 

I make my way to the bathroom, not exactly in a rush but also eager to get there. 

I push the door open quickly and immediately lock eyes with Perrie’s reflection from where she’s hunched over the mirror. 

“Hey,” she says, straightening up. 

“Hey,” I answer back, slowly walking over to her. I stop a couple feet short of the sink, my eyes still locked on hers in the mirror. “You okay?”

She snorts. It’s a dumb thing to ask, because I already know the answer, but it’s a hell of a better opener than  _ I know something is wrong with you. Tell me what it is. _

“I’m very confused,” she says, slowly turning to look at me directly instead of my reflection. 

“About?” I ask, though I’m pretty sure I know. 

She gives me an  _ are-you-serious _ smile, before reaching a hand out to touch my own. I let her, holding her hand firmly in mine as she entwines out fingers. 

I feel a fascinating mix of thrill and dread whenever Perrie’s skin comes into contact with mine. Thrill, because there’s nothing better than the feeling of her warmth seeping into my bones, and dread, because I know it’s only a matter of time before she leaves me cold again. 

I pull away, needing to be the one to do it, and look up to meet Perrie’s eyes. 

I almost wish I hadn’t. 

The way she’s looking at me… she looks so lost that I just want to kiss her silly and somehow make everything okay. Still, though, there’s an underlying heat in her gaze that tugs at me, makes me want to let her ravish me with no concern for the consequences. 

“I can’t handle when you look at me like that,” I confess. 

“That’s why I look at you the way I do,” she admits just as candidly. 

Caught up in the moment, I let myself bring a hand to her face, cupping it gently. 

She responds eagerly, nuzzling her face against my palm.

“Pezza, what are we doing?” I ask, needing an answer this time.

She immediately drops my gaze and takes a step back. “I don’t want to ta-”

“You never want to talk about it,” I counter, a little angry. “I need to know so I can manage my expectations. I can’t go to bed with the woman of my dreams and then wake up cold and alone every morning. I love you so, so much, so I let you take, and take, and take and I’m running out of things to give, Pezza. Seeing you with Alex hurts me, and it probably always will, at least a little, but It’ll be easier for me to see you with him and to know that you’re happy, to know that there’s no possibility of you and I. It’s the possibility that kills me. I can only hold out hope for so long before there’s no more hope to hold out.”

“I don’t know what you want me to do, Jesy! Do you want me to break it off with Alex so that we can give this shitshow a stage? Huh? What do you want?”

“I want you to do what you want to do!” I growl angrily. “I want you to make. a. choice. And then we can both live with it.”

“Well Jesy, does it look like I’m gonna choose you?” she asks flatly. 

I take a step back, as if she’s physically struck me. My gut sinks to the floor, and I can see the immediate regret on Perrie’s face. “Jes, I-”

“Save it, Perrie,” I say quietly, all my fire from earlier gone. My body sags with the weight of her revelation, and for the first time I allow myself to see how utterly stupid I’ve been. 

I’m always the one she leaves, just because she knows I’ll let her come back. Not just let her come back, but celebrate her when she does, even if it’s only for a few measly hours. I let her use me over, and over, and over again, because some part of me was dumb enough to believe she’s choose me in the end.

I shake my head, trying to keep the tears back. I’ll cry, but not now. 

“Leigh and Jade are waiting,” I say softly, turning toward the door. 

“Jesy-”

“Please, Perrie,” I plead, barely holding the tears back. 

She looks like she wants to say more, and part of me hopes that she will. That she’ll try and take it all back, tell me she didn’t mean it. 

But we both know that she did. 

I guess I have my answer. 

“Let’s go,” I say, holding the door open. Perrie tries to get me to meet her eyes as she walks by, but I can’t. She’s made her choice, and now we both have to live with it. No more exceptions, accidents, or nights that “just happen.” She’s gonna have to get used to only getting the pieces of me that I’m willing to give, just like everyone else. 

“So, I heard that you tw-” Leigh starts once we get back, before she’s cut off by an elbow to the ribs. A hard one, if the  _ oof  _ sound she makes is any indication. 

“Jade, what did you do that for?” She whines, clueless as ever. “I was just-”

“Shut up, Leigh Anne,” Jade singsongs, as if that’ll make it better. 

Leigh looks at us confusedly before her face sobers, and she understands. 

The way Perrie and I aren’t looking at each other, the matching grim expressions on our faces- they know something happened in the bathroom. 

And it wasn’t good. 

We sit in relative silence until the food arrives maybe 30 seconds later. 

“Ooh, yours looks good,” Leigh smiles at me, trying her hardest to make me feel better. 

Jade scoffs at her.

Leigh frowns. 

“It does, doesn’t it? It’s my favorite thing here. I thought about trying something new, but I couldn’t cheat on this ‘ol dish,” I say, not realizing exactly how what I’ve said sounds until it’s too late. 

“Well, I wanted to get something new,” Perrie breaks in. “But it’s just too complicated. This dish is a steady one, it’s my go-to.” 

“Well, I wa-” I start, ready to out-petty Perrie if it comes to that, because  _ I’m  _ the one that’s hurting,  _ I’m _ the one that’s allowed to be mad, when Jade cuts in. 

“Drinks? I think we need drinks,” she says, signaling the waiter. “Hey, could we get four tequila sunrises? On my tab.”

“Sure! I’ll have those out in a jiffy. That all you want?”

She starts to nod her head, but seems to change her mind when she looks between me and Perrie. 

“Actually, make that six. And a shot of Jäger.”

I laugh. There’s no guessing who the shot of Jäger is for. I briefly wonder if the tension is really that palpable. Then again, Jade’s always been sensitive to the feelings of others. 

“That’s a lot of liquor for breakfast, Jadey,” I say with a grin. 

“Well, we need to talk. As a band. And by the looks of you two, we’re not gonna be able to do that without tequila,” she says unexcitedly.

“And the Jäger?” I ask, still smiling.

“I practically need a shot of Jäger to make my bed in the morning,” Jade says with a smile.

“Babe, that’s… not healthy. Maybe you should see someone about that,” Leigh says sweetly.

I bust up laughing, as do Jade and Perrie. 

“Shite, Leigh, I’m kidding. It was a joke,” she says, laughing until she notices the sour look on Leigh Anne’s face. “Thank you for being worried about me, though. I appreciate it.”

“I just want you all to be happy,” Leigh says, getting a little teary. 

Jade bangs her head on the table.

We all look at her like she’s a madwoman.

“Look, it’s just very emotional, a lot to process, blah blah blah,” Jade says, throwing back the shot of Jäger that the waiter has just laid on the table. 

I cringe for her, feeling the burn in my throat even though I haven’t had Jäger in years. 

“I don’t know how you drink that stuff,” Perrie says, sporting her own look of chagrin. 

“It tastes like gasoline,” I offer.

“Honestly, Jade,” Leigh says, still looking a bit concerned. 

Jade scoffs, but I can see the smile pulling at the corner of her lips. 

The waiter sets a Tequila Sunrise in front of each of us, placing the extra two in front of Jade without even asking. 

We manage to keep in our giggles until he walks away, erupting into fits the moment he’s out of sight. 

Even Jade is cackling, and I’m wiping tears away by the time we’ve settled a bit. 

Jade asks if we need to discuss anything, and Perrie surprises me by saying “Let us get it sorted between the two of us first, okay? Things are still very… fresh, right now.”

I almost argue that  _ things seem pretty settled to me _ , but decide to hold my tongue. I don’t want to fight, or heaven forbid  _ cry _ , right now anyway. It can wait. 

We sit and sip awhile, chatting easily and finishing our food lazily. Leigh picks up the tab, as she promised she would, even footing the bill for all of Jade’s drinks. Jade argues but ultimately lets Leigh pay, mostly because she’s more than a little tipsy and isn’t fit to fight. 

Perrie and Jade decide to share a car home, as they live on the same side of London, and Leigh calls Andre to come and pick her up. 

“We’re more than happy to drop you off on our way,” Leigh insists, but I wave her off. 

“Thanks, babe, but I’ve got a couple errands to run before I go home,” I lie. I really just don’t want to deal with anyone asking questions, even someone as caring and kind hearted as Leigh. 

I order an uber because I know it’ll get there the fastest, and in less than three minutes I’m giving each of the girls a quick hug goodbye and heading out the door. 

Perrie squeezes me a little too tight and holds me a little too long, and I let her. I know I shouldn’t. I should be building up boundaries, putting myself on guard, but I’m not strong enough to completely resist the force that is Perrie Edwards. 

Not yet, anyway. 

The best I can do for now it tell myself I’ll get there eventually and hope it’s the truth. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Another chapter down! There will probably only be one more chapter for this story, maybe two. It was always meant to be a shorter one. Don't worry tho: I've got another already set to take its place once it wraps😈  
> What do you guys think?? How are you feeling?? Are we, the royal we, mad, sad, frustrated?? I'm feeling lots of things, tbh. Leave a comment and let me know!   
> Also, leave some kudos if you feel like it😝  
> I'm gonna take a moment to obligatorily plug my other fics, so here we go:  
> \- I have a full length Pesy story that is F I N I S H E D called (no one else can fix me) Only You.   
> \--The first chapter of the sequel to Only You went up yesterday, and it's called Nothing Else Matters.   
> \--- I have a Pesy fic called More Than Words that is more than halfway finished, and I update it every Tuesday and Saturday. It's very fluffy and cute, though it does start with a bit of angst, so if you like either of those, it might be the fit for you.  
> \---- I also have a Pesy one shot book that I update sometimes, but I'm always taking requests. I think it's up to 6 one shots right now? I have 26 one shots that are all in various stages of completion, and I plan to add a couple more to the one shot book over the next couple of days. There's fluff, angst, and even a 'lil bit of smut over there ( 👀🙊), so if any of that is your jam, give it a gander! Some of the one shots are like 3-4 pages long, and some are much, much longer, so there's something for everybody.   
> Okay, I think that's it! Sorry my A/N's are always like uber long. I just can't help myself:)  
> Come say hi on Tumblr!! 16sydd16  
> Have a swell day!!   
> xx  
> sydd


	4. I don't wanna be your Ex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally:)

I’m seven kinds of sweaty when I show up for Matt’s class Monday afternoon, but he’s a little shiny himself, so he doesn’t seem to mind. 

“Hi,” I say, pecking a quick kiss to his lips before letting him pull me into a tight hug.

“Hey,” He says softly, squeezing me just tight enough. I can tell he’d be a great cuddle, so I mull over the idea of inviting him over after class. 

As I’m weighing all the pros and cons, I pull up short. Why am I weighing anything? What have I got to lose?

“You alright?” Matt asks, loosening his hold on me. 

“I’m good, thanks. How are you?” 

“Oh, I’m excellent, now that you’re here,” he says with a smile. “How was your run?”

“It was good. It’s my favorite way to work out. I love getting away,” I say honestly. “How were your classes?”

“Oh, fine. I ended up having to sub for the 60+ yoga class today, and let me tell you, they were a hoot,” he says with a grin, keeping his arms loosely around my waist. I let mine rest on his chest, fist my hands in the damp fabric there. 

“I bet they were,” I say, returning his grin. 

“I should warn you, that if you’re trying to get with me, you better act fast. Mabel offered me her rent controlled London townhouse when she goes if I agreed to show her a good time,” he says with a waggle of the eyebrows.

I break into a fit of laughter, throwing my head back before ducking into Matt’s chest in an effort to muffle the sound. “She did not,” I say once I can get a sentence out.

“Oh, but she did,” he says with a bit of a cringe. “The other ladies thought it was hilarious. Her husband, who is the only man in the class, told me it wasn’t worth the strife. They’re quite the pair, those two.”

“They sound like it,” I say with a smile. 

He meets my gaze confidently, though I can tell his bravado is put on. He came to play, and I love that. 

“Do you wanna come with me- I mean, back to mine- once class is finished?” I ask seriously, only realising how that might sound after I see the look on Matt’s face. 

“I mean, just to like, get takeout, and watch netflix and chill- wait, that’s not-” I say, bumbling uncharacteristically.

Matt doesn’t seem to mind though. He’s kind enough to save me before I can embarrass myself further, which I appreciate.

“I’d love to come and chill,” he says, waggling his eyebrows again.

I place a solid smack to his chest, and he pretends to be wounded.

“Oooh, kinky,” he says, and I can feel my mouth open in shock. 

“Matt-”

“I’ll stop,” he says with a wink. “It’s just nice to see you squirm, for a change. It’s cute.”

“Mmm,” I mumble, ducking in for another kiss before pulling away when I hear the door open. 

The woman that walks in clearly older, but I can’t work out how much until Matt calls her name. 

“Mabel, Hi,” he says a little sheepishly. 

“Hello,” she says, a naughty smile on her face. “Were you doing a private session? If I had known that kisses were included, I’d have forked over the extra $150 a month.”

I can’t help but laugh a bit, though Matt looks embarrassed. 

“This is a very professional establishment Mrs. Evans, you know tha-”

“Relax, Matthew, it’s a joke,” she says, a good natured smile on her face. “Now, who’s your pretty little friend?”

“Jesy,” I say, holding out a hand for her to shake. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too, hun. Though I’ve gotta say, you look awful familiar.”

“She’s in a band,” Matt says, sounding proud. My heart swells. We’ve only just started dating, and he wants to show me off. After all of the hiding and secrecy that surrounded my somehow brief and simultaneously not so brief relationship with Perrie (because where did friends end and nearly lovers begin, exactly?), this change of pace is not only welcome, but endearing. 

“Oh, that’s exciting,” Mabel says with a smile. 

She opens her mouth to speak again just as three women walk through the door. Matt smiles apologetically at her and gives the hand I didn’t realize he was holding a squeeze before he goes off to greet them. 

When I turn from Matt to Mabel, I notice her sizing me up a bit. From the placid expression on her face, I can tell she means no ill will, just as I can tell she has a fondness for Matt, so I let her study me a bit before I ask my next question.

“Do you attend this class often?” I ask.

“Oh, maybe once a month, is all. It leaves me a little too sore, but Matt’s a doll, so I keep coming back for more,” she says with a smile. 

“He is,” I say with a small smile of my own. “I’ve never been to a barre class before, but I’m excited to try.”

“Do you dance at all?” she asks. 

“Loads,” I say, with a proper grin this time. “We start tour rehearsals again in just a few days, but I need to be whipped back into shape before then.”

“Well, I’m sure our boy can get you there,” Mabel says with a smile. “He’s a relentless teacher. And probably just as relentless as a lover, if I had to gues-”

“Mabel!” I yell quietly, proper shook.

“I’m just saying,” she sing-songs, naughty old woman that she is. 

I have no words, so I just look at her, incredulous. 

I’m still trying to get over my shock when Matt calls for everyone to take their place at the barre. Mabel asks if I’d like to join her, so I follow, happy to have already made a friend. Even if she is more than twice my age. 

The class is fun, even if it is a little more strenuous than I expected. The ligament I tore a few years back is proper sore by the end, which is how I know that my body is getting quite the workout. 

Matt grabs me by the waist to offer correction a couple times, though we both know I’m in perfect position. It’s not like I mind. I’m beginning to really like the feel of his hands on me. 

He lingers a bit long once, to which Mabel gleefully interrupts “I could use some  _ correction _ over here, Matty.”

I let loose a snort that, enjoying the way Matt’s hands give my waist a quick squeeze as he goes to help Mabel. 

By the end, I’m worn out but happy. 

“Well done, everyone,” Matt calls once the music cuts and we’re allowed to relax. “Remember, we meet every Monday afternoon, so come back and join us again! Have a great day, and if you’ve got any questions, I’m more than happy to answer them.”

The class departs slowly, with murmured  _ thanks _ and  _ see you later _ s and a couple people who linger to ask things. I say goodbye to Mabel, who offers me a hug that I accept, and then take my place in line behind two other girls. 

Matt answers their questions quickly and with a friendly smile, mentioning something about the morning barre class that is a little less intense, and then sending them off with a wave. 

“Hey, Je-”

“Excuse me, I have a question. For the manager of this place,” I say haughtily. 

Matt grins at me, before molding his face into a much more professional expression.

Except for his eyes. They’re still smiling. 

“Well, I might have an answer,” he says smoothly. “Go ahead.”

“I was wondering if this class was taught by another instructor, because I found this one to be a little distracting. His hair, his eyes, and the way he kept touching me up- a little inappropriate for class, you know, especially in such a professional establishment,” I say with a silly grin.

Matt barks out a laugh before he moves to stand right in front of me, less than a foot away. His hands come up to rest on my hips, and I let them.

“I’ll talk to him about it,” Matt says, “but it might just be too hard for him to keep his hands off you. You’re quite pretty, mind you. Even though you smell a bit like ballet studio right now,” he laughs.

“As if you don’t,” I say, with a little push to his chest.

He grabs my hand before I can drop it, and entwines his fingers with my own. 

“Can I take you home?” He asks with a shy smile. 

“I’d like that,” I say just a shyly. “Although, mostly for practical reasons, because I don’t think I can walk any further than your car.”

He laughs, pulling me towards the door. 

I squeal when he pulls right off the ground and into his arms once the elevator doors close.

“Matt!” 

“What?” He asks. “You said your legs were tired.”

I roll my eyes at him, to which he pretends to be oblivious, but I can’t keep a little smile from working its way onto my face. Still, he makes no move to put me down, keeping me cradled in his giant arms. 

“You’re quite big, ain’t ya?” I ask, almost accidentally.

Matt looks at me, confused and maybe a little offended.

“I meant it in a good way!” I say quickly. “You just, make me feel really little, is all. I like it.”

“Well, you are quite little,” he says with a smile, just as the doors  _ ding _ open. 

He carries me through the garage and sets me in the passenger seat of his car, despite my insistence that I can walk. 

We laugh and talk easily on the way back to mine, and I offer Matt a bit of direction here and there when needed. 

We’re talking about what we might do for dinner just as we round the corner onto my street when Matt pulls up short. 

“Are you expecting company?” He asks.

“Huh?” I reply lamely, looking toward my house. There’s a figure sitting on my porch with a hoodie on, head resting in their hands, so I can’t tell who it is from this far away. “Oh. I- well, no, I’m not. Might just be my sister or something. She stops by to play with the dogs sometimes,” I say, though I know it can’t be her as soon as I’ve said it. Jade’s had the garage code memorized since I moved in. In fact, my sister Jade, my mum, and my best friend Jade are the only ones who have the code, so it can’t be any of them. So _ who _ -

As she lifts her head, my heart stops. There’s no mistaking those big, blue eyes.

“Perrie,” I say quietly. I know I’m supposed to feel mad and angry and a whole host of other negative things when I see her, but instead my heart does that little weird flip-flop thing it insists on doing whenever she’s near.

“Do you think something’s wrong?” Matt asks quietly, eyes full of genuine concern. 

I feel an immense amount of guilt in that moment. Matt has no idea of the war that’s raging in my mind, how quickly I’d abandon him for Perrie if she were to give me the chance. It’s not fair to him, not at all. 

“I’m not sure,” I say, hopping out of the car to go to her. “Pezza?” I call, voice clearly full of concern.

“Ah, hey,” she says, wiping at her runny nose and red eyes with her shirtsleeve. 

“How long have you been here?” I ask, tucking a bit of hair that’s come loose from her hood behind her ear. 

“A while,” she says, leaning into my touch. “Um, can we talk?”

I look back at Matt, who’s eyeing us from the car. He gives me a soft smile, like he understands, even though there’s know way he could really know what’s going on. 

I look back at Perrie, wanting so desperately to  _ want _ to choose Matt over her, but knowing that I never will. It’s not fair, and it never will be, ‘cos I know she’s it for me. Even if I can never truly have Perrie, I will always choose her. 

I know what choosing her in this moment means, for me, for her. I’m breaking my promise to myself to stay away from her. And I’m doing it the first time she comes to me, the first time she asks me to. 

I’m sick. 

But, Perrie’s on my porch crying. So, she takes priority, like she always does. Priority over Matt, and priority over me. 

I press a soft kiss to her hood-covered head with a quick whisper of  _ be right back _ and then make my way over to Matt. 

Judging from the look he gives me and the fact that he never turned off the car, he already knows what’s coming.

“Hey,” I say with a sad smile, once I’ve reached the window. 

“Hi,” he replies, disappointed but trying not to look it. 

“I’m really sorry,” I offer. “But something’s wrong with Pez, and I have to-”

“I understand,” he says with a rueful smile. “She’s one of your girls, and all.”

“She is my girl,” I say, hoping my half-assed apology is enough. 

Something flickers in Matt’s eyes, but all he says is, “I had fun today.”

“Me too,” I say. “See you later?”

“Sure,” Matt says, though I can tell from the look he gives me that he  _ knows _ . What exactly, I’m not sure, but he knows. 

I feel awful for hurting him, I really do, but just like always, Perrie is my number one concern. 

“Bye, Matt,” I say, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek and giving the hood of his car a thump, signaling him to go home. 

“Goodbye, Jesy,” he says. 

And then, he’s gone. 

Once his car is out of sight, I turn around to greet the girl who has for some time been and probably always will be the most pressing matter in my life.

“C’mon,” I say, motioning to the garage. 

She stops her sniffling a second to get up and follow me, watching the ground as I key in the entry code. 

Wordlessly, I lead her inside and then upstairs to the living room. She takes a seat on the couch once I motion for her to, and I fetch us both a glass of water before I take a seat on the other end. 

“So, you wanted to talk?” I ask, trying to sound cold and sort of succeeding. 

Perrie can’t hide her shock at my tone, and I immediately feel bad, even though I have the right to be cold. 

If only I had the desire to be so as well.

“Well, you see,” she says, avoiding my eyes. “I have this friend.”

“And?” I ask, my tone already softer. Damn, I’m such a sucker.

She meets my eyes for a moment, before flicking them away again. 

“And, she makes me feel all funny inside. And I’ve said, and done, a lot of things that have hurt her. But she, for some reason, has let me into her house today even after I hurt her over and over, and I feel really bad about it.”

“And?” I ask, unable to keep my voice from quivering, even on that one word. 

“And,” Perrie starts, drawing in a big breath, “I’m in love with her.”

My head shoots up, only to find her eyes already on me. I want to say something, but her revelation has left me speechless.

“And I broke up with my sort-of boyfriend and I sat on her porch for three hours this afternoon in the hopes that she’d let me in so that I could tell her that I need her. That I’m not content to have her as a friend any longer, and that, if I don’t fall asleep with her in my arms tonight, I just might implode.”

I look at her as the tears come down her face, unable to even move. 

“And I want to tell her that she has the most gorgeous eyes I’ve ever seen, and that I love the way her lips move when she says my name. I want to tell her that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her, that I can’t go ten minutes without thinking about her strong jaw and her long neck and her round little head,” she says with a watery laugh. “And I want to tell her that it’s really not fair that she suits every hair color, and that I want her to choke me to death with her thighs.”

I can’t help but laugh a little at the last bit, my voice strained from the tears I’ve been trying and failing to hold in. 

“And?” I ask after she scoots closer, taking my face in between her hands. 

“And I was wondering if she’d give me another chance, even though I’ve already had too many,” she says looking incredibly nervous. 

“Oh, Perrie,” I say, bringing my hand up to rest on her own where it lays on my cheek. “I don’t think I could tell you no, even if I wanted to.”

“But, you don’t want to?” She says hopefully, bringing her face closer to mine. 

“No, I don’t want to,” I say, giving her the smallest of smiles.

She leans in and kisses me once, just barely, before she pulls back just as quick. 

“I’m sorry,” she starts, looking a bit guilty. “I couldn’t help it.”

“I don’t mind,” I say with a grin. “You can do it again, if you’d like.”

“Oh, I would like. I would like that very much,” she tells me, leaning her forehead on my own. “But, there’s something I need to do first, if it’s okay with you.”

“Okay,” I say nervously, but with full faith in Perrie. “I trust you.”

“I know. Even though you shouldn’t.”

“Even though I shouldn’t.”

“I want to make it so you should.”

“Yeah?” I ask softly.

“Yeah. Will you hold my phone for me? There’s something I need to do.”

“Sure,” I say, watching her open instagram and click the button to “go live.”

“Hiya mixers,” she says, glancing between the phone and me. 

I look at her with what I’m sure is absolute bewilderment on my face, and she gazes back with a toothy smile. 

“Is there anyone on yet, Jes?” She asks me.

I nod. 

“Yeah, there’s 5.4k at the minute. Jade says hi, by the way,” I say with a laugh.

“Hiya, Jeed,” Perrie says. “Hope you’re well, love.”

I read off a few more comments, mostly  _ HI!s _ and  _ We love you!s _ and  _ Come to America/brasil/etc!s  _ before Jade comments again.

“Jade’s said  _ Just get on with it _ , whatever she means by that,” I say with a laugh. 

Perrie sucks in a deep breath and nods her head slowly. “Well, alright, then. I tasked Jade with making sure I went through with this today,” she says. 

“What?” I ask, before I clap a hand over my mouth. “Sorry, I’ll quit interrupting you.”

“No, it’s fine,” she says, giving me a tiny, but genuine, smile. “I just needed to ask her and Leigh first, make sure it was okay with them for me to announce this today.”

“Alright…” I say. “You didn’t need to ask me?”

“Actually, it was more something I needed to  _ tell _ you. And I wanted to shout it from the rooftops and tell everyone else too, but no one really seems to spend that much time outside on purpose anymore, so I thought that Instagram could serve as my proverbial rooftop.”

“Proverbial,” I say, letting my teeth hit my lips to sound out the word properly. “Big word.”

“Well, I’m about to make quite the big statement,” she says, looking like she might throw up. 

“Perrie?” I question, finally connecting the dots as to what she might be doing. 

“You remember that thing I told you earlier, Jes?” She asks, looking only at me. 

“Yeah,” I say quietly, shocked at what’s happening. 

“Would you mind if I told them?” she asks, 

As if I’d say no.

“Not if you’re sure,” I say evenly, trying my best to keep my voice from getting tight with tears.

“Oh, I’m sure,” she says, blessing me with a sunny grin. “Not sure I’ve ever been more sure, actually.”

“Glad to hear it,” I say, my voice going gravelly like it does when I’m close to crying. 

Perrie’s eyes look a bit misty as well, but she keeps that lovely grin stretched across her face. 

“Well, Mixers,” she says, focusing her attention back on the camera, “there’s something I need to share. 

“The last 8 years have been some of the best of my life. Oh, that sounds like I’m leaving the band! I’m not, I promise. Don’t worry. 

“The last 8 years have been amazing and joyous and fulfilling and wild and heartbreaking, all at the same time. You guys know that I love my girls, and that I’d do anything for them. But there is a secret I’ve been keeping, even from them. Or well, I tried to keep it from them. Jade’s quite good at figuring things out,” she says with a little chuckle before her face turns more serious. 

“I suppose at this bit, I could say a lot of things about past relationships and unrequited feelings and realizing what those feelings mean, but I’m just going to tell you this. 

“I’m in love. I’m absolutely, positively, entirely, and wholly in love. And it may not be with the person you expect,” she says with a little laugh, allowing a few tears to fall out. 

“As many of you know or will now know, my relationship with Alex has come to an end. We sort of happened into it accidentally, and we led the lot of you to believe that it was much more serious than it was. We were and still are very good friends, and the relationship was real in the beginning, but for the last 8 months, it’s been more for PR than anything else. I know many of you will feel betrayed by this, and I know that I’m in violation of my contract and will be penalized, but I can no longer in good conscience pretend that I am in a relationship with someone that I do not feel romantic love for. Especially when there is a person who I am madly in love with that I haven’t been able to tell.”

She takes a deep breath in before shifting her focus from her phone to me. I’d been watching her through the screen, but now, with her gaze directly on me, it’s all I can do to keep the phone up. 

“Jes,” she says, voice croaky from trying to hold back tears. 

I let a quiet cry loose, biting down harshly on my lip to try and keep the tears at bay. 

“Jessica Louise Nelson,” she says, breathing deeply once again. “I am so, so sorry for the way that I’ve played with your feelings these last few months. It wasn’t fair of me to do what I did. I’m sorry for not telling you the truth about my arrangement with Alex, and I’m sorry for always leaving you to wake up alone. You’re my best friend, my soulmate, the love of my life, and I hope you’ll forgive me. I want us to wake up in each other’s arms every morning. I want to bring you your tea just how you like it, with far too much milk. I want you to accidentally burn my house down trying to surprise me with breakfast,” she says with a shaky laugh. “I want it all, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Though, I don’t know how our life together could be anything but beautiful with you around,” she winks.

I give her a watery smile. I know I must look a state, but she’s gazing at me like I’m the greatest sight she’s ever seen. 

I can’t keep myself from going over to her and pressing a soft kiss to her lips, only retreating when she presses a hand gently against my sternum. 

“Instagram,” she whispers quietly, and only then do I remember the phone in my hand. 

“I forgot,” I mouth back, adjusting the phone so that it’s focused on Perrie again, as she settles back onto the couch. 

She laughs at me, and I roll my eyes. 

“Alright Perriewinkle, time to wrap it up,” I say, my voice sounding like I’ve just swallowed a bit of steel wool. 

“Alright, love,” she says, giving me that wonderful, lovestruck grin again. “I know this was probably a bit… unexpected, but I just wanted you guys to hear it from me. I know my confession is going to get me- well,  _ us _ \- into loads of shit professionally, and I just hope yous will continue to support me and the girls. Have a great night, Mixers. I know we will,” she says with a cheeky wink.

“I will make you sleep on the couch, Edwards,” I threaten, before cutting off the live.

“Will you sleep there with me?” She asks, leaving her perch on the couch to wrap me in her arms. 

I squeeze her tight, finally letting everything that’s happened in the last few minutes sink in. 

“Did you really mean all of that?” I ask, my words a bit muffled from where my mouth is pressed up against Perrie’s neck. 

“Every word,” she says, still clutching me against her. 

“Why didn’t you tell me about you and Alex? That it wasn’t real? I would’ve- we could’ve- it wouldn’t have been an issue for me, Pez.”

“I know,” she says, rubbing a comforting hand along my back. “But you deserve so much more than late nights sneaking into one another’s rooms and hiding all the time. You deserve someone who can’t wait to tell the world they’re in love with you, someone who will do it at every opportunity. You deserve someone who is all in, all the time. I wasn’t ready to be that person, but when I saw you with Matt- Jesy, I wanted to light something on fire,” she says seriously, and I laugh. 

“No, really!” She says, though she’s laughing too. “I- what I did, kissing you in the bathroom, touching you up in the theatre- all dick moves, I know, but I- I needed you to know that you were mine. And that’s possessive and shitty and whole host of other things, but. You’re mine, Jes. Only mine,” she says intensely, pulling back a bit to look me straight in the eye, before turning sheepish. “Well, if you’ll have me, that is.”

“Eh, I’ll think about it,” I say casually, unable to hold back a laugh. 

“Meanie,” Perrie grumbles at me, and I just hold her tighter in response. 

We stay like that for an undetermined amount of time, Perrie suggesting we relocate to the couch once my legs begin to ache. I was riding high on the events of the last hour or so for a while, but now, I’m really starting to feel the effects of the barre class I took today. 

I still feel a little bad about the whole thing with Matt, but I decide to push that out of my mind and deal with it tomorrow. Well, I don’t  _ decide  _ so much as Perrie takes my phone and turns it off. 

“Pezza-”

“Listen, I’m sure we’re both going to be getting a lot of calls and texts tonight, and I don’t want them to interrupt us,” she says cheekily. 

“Oh, someone has plans, d’they?” I ask with a grin, wincing a little when I settle into the couch. 

“Only to spend every moment I can of the rest of my life with you,” she says, giving me the biggest grin. 

“You’re a cheeseball,” I say with a laugh, unable to stop the way my breath hitches when Perrie looks at me like she is. 

“And you’re beautiful,” she says softly, almost reverently. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” I say, leaning my forehead against her own. 

I can tell she’s surprised when I duck away from her kiss and get up off the couch.

“Jes?”

“To the bed, babe. We’ve got some unfinished business from a couple nights ago,” I say cheekily, secretly nervous. 

My nerves turn out to be for naught, if the naughty smile on Perrie’s face is any indication. 

“Lead the way,” she tells me, linking her fingers with mine. “Quickly, preferably,” she adds, shooting me a wink. 

I laugh, but oblige, closing and locking my bedroom door firmly behind us. 

When I wake up the next morning to a naked, cuddly Perrie still snuggled in my arms, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:  
> Alright! Here we are, finally at the end of Ex. Thank you guys for being so patient! When I started it a few months ago, I never imagined it would take me this long to finish.  
> I've had this draft sitting in my google drive for ages, and I just woke up today and decided I needed to finish it. So, I sort of half-edited it (I had a bit of trouble with this chapter, so I've read it about 3,000 times now and am blind to any and all errors in the text, so sorry😬) and then decided to put it up!  
> I do intend for this to be the last part. That means that currently, the only ongoing story I have is Nothing Else Matters, the sequel to (no one else can fix me) Only You. I've been out of writing for a bit (I've been working a lot and trying to get everything in order with my health and with my schooling so I can return to college after Christmas) but I'm on my way back in! So, expect updates soon!!  
> I have a new Pesy story that I'm currently working on (that I would like to be *mostly* finished with before I start posting), as well as about a billion one shots (34, actually:) that are all in various stages of completion. There are a couple that are nearly ready to go, but I don't want to post them all at the same time. So, I thought I'd ask you guys! What sort of oneshot would you like to see next?  
> (and by next, I mean in the next couple of days:)  
> Would you rather see:  
> 1) A Pesy baby oneshot (not MTW related, sorry:/)  
> 2) A Jadesy/Pesy oneshot  
> 3) An Alerresy oneshot (Jesy/Perrie/Alex)(it's mostly pesy tho, lets be real😎)(also, it might be smut) (whoops)  
> 4) A Pesy "on the tourbus" oneshot (which also contains a fair amount of Leigh and Jade), or:  
> 5) Would you prefer to be surprised/ something else?  
> As I said, I've written about a million one shots recently, and I just don't know what to start with!  
> Thank you guys so much for your continued support! I've had a bit of a rough go of things lately, and the little messages and stuff I get from you guys really help me out:) so thanks again!  
> Please let me know your thoughts on EX, and what you'd like to see next!  
> Also: I am taking oneshot requests, so if you'd like to see something specific, let me know!  
> Also Also: The next chapter of Nothing Else Matters is on it's way! It's more than half written, and I'm hoping to get it up within the next few days.  
> Also Also Also: Thanks to my Matt stans😂 He's the ideal man, really, and I sorta did him dirty in this story, but he'll be alright. I swear.  
> Okay, I had some other thoughts, but this is already waaaaaay too long, so one last thing:  
> Thank you so much to those who consistently comment, vote, and to those who follow me! You guys make my day, and I always get so chuffed when I see a wattpad notification.  
> I hope you have an excellent day, and please let me know what you think!  
> xx  
> sydd  
> Tumblr @16sydd16

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed the first part of this story! Part 2 should be up in a day or two. I just need to find the motivation to edit it😂 If you enjoyed this, please check out my much longer Pesy fic, (no one else can fix me) Only You, or some of my other one shots, which are much shorter and located in my pesy oneshots book:) 
> 
> If you wanna fangirl over LM, or just have a chat, come check me out on Tumblr @ 16sydd16 !!
> 
> Have a fantastic day! Please comment and let me know what you think, or leave kudos if you feel so inclined!
> 
> Thanks for the support!!💖 Hearing your feedback is the best, so really, thank you guys so much!!   
> xx  
> Sydd


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